(Almost-)Liveblogging the Riveting World of Mountain Bike Racing

There's a long story, but suffice it to say, I somehow brought up the idea of posting live-blog style updates on my facebook feed in a fashion reminiscent of far too many "friend"/netiquette abusers... liveblogging a mountain bike race became an exciting example and Andrew seemed particularly enamoured of the idea. I was unsure, since I already talk about him about fifty times more online than he does me, which makes me feel like I clearly come across as obsessive and stalkery... and because I don't hate (most) of my facebook friends enough to do to them what some may do to me. But hey... I was thinking of dropping law and trying to become a sportswriter. Now you all can feel like you were at the race too!

8:22 a riveting breakfast looking over some kind of bicycling catalogue. I get the gist of "people spend silly amounts on their ____ when they could just buy ____ and ______ and save money." Ha triatheletes and dentists going through midlife crises... your bikes are impractical and we have some scorn for your facade of seriousness.

8:28 I engage in conversation by pointing to a brightly colored frame and saying "that's purdy" I am told it is a fashion bike (this is the racer bike equivalent of calling somebody a tool) 

9:06: coffee apparently kicked in and we may have gotten distracted from morning race prep with an animated discussion of character arcs in the comic book universe. We are planning to leave at 9:30. Huh.

9.10: BIB SHORTS!!!! Basically a spandex unitard with team colors.

9:17: A friend once told me about her sister's adventures in petsitting a friend's Great Dane, which promptly died after the owners left. She was in Manhattan at the time and nobody would pick up the dead dog, so she stuffed it in a suitcase and took the subway. On the way to her ultimate location, she was robbed of the suitcase by somebody who had thought she was hauling dj equipment (he had first chatted her up on the subway then hit her from behind and ran off with the no longer quite so great dane's earthly remains). Andrew's race bag wouldn't quite fit a great dane, but definitely a golden retriever.

9:31: By some miracle, we are loaded into the car on time and set for the hour long drive (hey still shorter than the actual race by a little! If we don't get lost again...)

9:43: as affirmed by the one hundred weather forecast checks in the last 24 hours, it is in fact raining... just warming up for a full on deluge one can only hope!

9:54: Paul McCartney is canting out "I'm a loooooooooser" Probably not the ideal pre-race anthem, but a fair comment on the sad state of Sunday morning radio. Andrew has also just turned on the heat (his car has two heat settings- on and off.) I personally prefer breathing and shivering to passing out in my own sweat, but relationships are about compromise... and maybe some whining in that compromise!

10:10: Chuckee Cheeeeeeese!!!!

10:20: Might have been passed by one of Andrew's teammates. Identification based solely on the bike, of course. We appear not to be lost though! 

10:25: We arrive and park. As soon as I get out, Andrew mutters something then wanders off. This is likely the first of many times if past race experience is any indicator. 

10:35: Have encountered three Blue Rooster team members so far on the way to the porta potty. There's a buzz about changes made to the race course this year. Sadly "more fire road" doesn't actually involve setting the course ablaze!

10:40: Some equipment concerns and a consultation with a teammate leads to such soundbites as: "Shimming my head set is a little more than I'm prepared to deal with" I, for one, am relieved to hear this.

10:45: Wallet, phone, race number, snack, shoes, leg warmers, bike... check. 

10:50: Andrew kisses me, thanks me for coming, and is off to pre-ride! I have the sinking realization that (a) I am already hungry (b) I brought no food with me and (c) there are no food stands. 

11:10: Further search confirms no food, no vending machines, and all the water fountains are still off. On the other hand, two of my fingers have gone numb! Defeated, I retreat to the truck and warm up a smidge.

11:15: Andrew comes back from pre-riding to shed base layers. His half nekkidness is par for the pre race course, so to speak. The course is apparently totally different than last year. Also he may buy some photos of himself biking if she catches him doing anything "bad ass" And with that, he is off for the portapotties. I realize it's actually three numb fingers. 

11:25: In the rear view mirror, I see Andrew ride up, swig out of a water bottle and then throw the bottle into the back of the truck with a loud bang. And off he goes again. Probably time to stake out a starting line spot, and so I emerge again.

11:29: The 19 and unders are in the front. There are some as young as ten in full racer kit. It is prety adorable to see them, but I worry about their safety when the older rabider racers start passing them en masse. Fifteen seconds and...

11:30: ...they're off. Andrew's category is up next. He is in the back, talking to somebody... small group today though.

11:31: And the little rooster on his butt recedes into the distance as he kicks into gear

11:36: All the groups have started and now time for the ultimate spectator challenge: finding a viewing spot. I head toward some yellow caution tape in the distance and hope the tape is there to mark off the course... seems like there are some heavily panting cyclists passing by, so a good sign.

11:45: The cyclists I saw must have been finishing from the prior race. They were too spaced out and beaten down to be just starting. Now it is dead quiet... waiting, hoping no rain

11:50: Fantasizing about giant chocolate chip peanut butter cookies warm from the oven and served over ice cream with coffee. Meanwhile, a couple more cyclists go by who may or may not be in the race. Always hard to tell.

11:51: Dude with his own stereo system glides by. He is definitely in this here and here comes the pack of front runners.

11:52: Damn that little kid is faaast! He kept up with the front runners despite being half their size.

11:54 First of Andrew's age group start to rush by. Andrew is in the thick of them with his heavy metal face on. Two more laps to go.

11:57: Clydesdales (bike racer for "plus sized" or-  as Tyra would put it- "fiercely real" racers), women, and most of the little kids going by now.

12:01: Thank god the Clydesdale racer succesfully passed the tiny child racer without crushing him! It looked close there for a minute and I really don't have time to testify at any trials right now.

12:05: Heavy gust just toppled one of the team tents. People are chasing after it while it flops around like a de-tanked goldfish.

12:06: ok a racer in full kit just went by huffing, puffing and missing his bike! Funny thing to forget!

12:10 Either the leader of this race or an expert doing a pre ride went by. Also, sucking on my finger helps the numbness a bit, but doesn't do too much for the hunger, which is manifesting in still fuller food fantasies

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12:12: Another fast gentleman went by. Seems like lap two is begining. Oooh yep, see a pack in the distance. Where's my cowbell?? 

12:13: Dude with his personal soundtrack went by! And finally a cowbell. There are very few loud spectators here today giving the race an eerie and simultaneously pastoral feel with all the red barn buildings and omimous clouds. I suspect we should all be speaking Dutch and staring languorously at Colin Firth  to fit the atmosphere.

12:17: People ambling the wrong wayon the course nearly collide with a small pack of racers. They have no respect for the yellow ticker tape.

12:19: Andrew goes by hunched in a C over his bike with a pack in hot persuit of his posterior rooster. Another lap to go.

12:23: Ok that kid had to be like seven or eight. I am impressed.

12:26: The cheering sections are picking up steam (only 2/3 into the race). And there goes Andrew's clydesdale teammate!

12:31: Realizing the third lap is the last, heading to the putative finish line. Think somebody just finished. Yeah that was the dude I thought might be preriding. Nope, he's just fast. 

12:33: Watching some pretty intense sprint finishes for some vying front runners. 

12:34: Eyeing the red cross area and wondering if they have cookies. They do sometimes. Like when they're taking blood. Doesn't look promising this time though, darnit.

12:36: I may be the only non-cycling spectator who forgot to bring a gaggle of children and/or dogs. Gotta remember to bring some next time. Such a faux pas!

12:39: Damn that kid is still fast!

12:41: a bunch of people were lapped, meaning the winner finished the race before they did their second race and thus they are stopping at two. Makes it hard to tell how well people are finishing. Seeing a handful of older blue roosters crossing the line.

12:43: Andrew barrells across the line with a pretty nifty sprint! Time to try to track him down before he wanders off forever.  Luckily, I have the keys to his truck.

12:45: He has a goofy grin and is stumbling backwards trying to stay standing. I take that as a good intense race. Also he keeps repeating "oh boy" Slimy, salty kisses.

12:48: Team consensus was that it was a tough course and some jerks with expensive bikes don't know crap about maintaining or riding.

12:51: Quest to find Andrew's sweater leads us to a tree pretty far afield of the start line. After another conversation with a teammate, I offer to watch the bike so Andrew can check the results, which are naturally not up yet. Thank god for the internet.

1:01: Probably the most spectator friendly part of the racing experience begins as Andrew starts his change. He's in typical post race mode- possibly the only time he talks faster than I do.

1:03: BIB SHORTS!!!!!

1:07: Towel is out, folks, that means the shorts are comin' off! It's a saucy outdoor burlesque, these racing days. Anyone who's wondering: Andrew could totally rock a utilikilt.

1:15: Dressed and semi-conscious, Andrew is ready to endure the gauntlet of the freeway.

1:25: There is a billboard telling me that one in five Americans struggles with hunger. I feel that. On the other hand, my fingers have finally regained sensation! Andrew is cataloging all the places that he hurts: a lot of places as it turns out.

1:36:Deluge conveniently starts after we are packed into the truck. That's a spot of weather luck   

1:50: Fantasizing about lunch. It is gonna involve a special trip to Safeway and some impractical purchase of food that is not nutritionally stellar. Andrew is looking forward to a hamburger.

2:15: At my door. Less liquid kisses and I am off to gorge on cereal (easier than shopping) and tea. I know I just watched, but always come home needing a hot shower and a big meal.