Dance Photography Isn't Easy

There is little more terrifying than a ballroom dancer in full competition regalia. What's amazing is how quickly one becomes desensitized to these things. I definitely had phases of full on tanorexia where my lily white skin looked a bit more liked streaked mahogany and I was still applying oil sludge's worth of bronzer before stepping onto the floor. I never quite got it down:

If anyone asks, I was Adella, the MAMBO-TIGER

And yes, I added the red arrows, just so I could point at my boobies. Anyways, as you might guess from the Twilight-quality (and yes, I too glistened in the sun) whiteness of my face, the camera washes people out A LOT, so this "tan" is nothing compared to what I looked like in person.

Anyways, I also never quite got the makeup down - couldn't stand fake eyelashes, for instance. But regardless of this, I was pretty innured to the more-fabulous-than-drag-queen-fabulousness of most competitors. It's been a few years since I competed, so I'm always delightfully shocked to see photos of my friends in competition. It's pretty impressive:

Now I'd also like to say that's not a flattering photo - because, well, in dance, flattering photos are slightly more elusive than vampire unicorns-griffin hybrids. I love competition photography because there are so many ways to get it wrong. Dancing is movement and for every beautiful extension, there are a million micromovements where the movement can - if frozen - look horribly, horribly wrong. So, with the disclaimer that I have seen many of these dancers and think they are extraordinarily talented dancers caught in a bad moment, I would like to share a few of my recent favorites:

Mastrionni was horrified to discover he'd snapped
his partner's neck during a particularly fast Viennese Waltz 

Little did she know she was moments away from
being consumed by the BOA FROM OUTERSPACE!

Spanx? Why would I want Spanx??
Can *you* find the butt-cheek?

Miffi and her illicit love caught by the
papparazi in flagrente cha-cha-grento

sooooomebody farted huhuhuhuh

So frickin' sick and frickety-frick tired of your
bad breath. Get a toothbrush you bastard!

They were minutes from winning the gold when the Devil returned to Dmitri's body

Sadly, Satan's technique is highly flawed

Ballroom gang-fights
You want a piece of me, *@#%??

Doood, that was some wicked strong chronic - OMG let's totally
dance that would be like EPIC dude

ok, I've got nothin' for this one