But of course if the Devil did not exist, we would have to invent him. And the devil of all these amazing miraculous lurks in the tolls that all that cerebral legerity.
So we turn to our favorite subject - Baby Battle logs: Sleep Edition.
Really, most of the other big battles have subsided for now. I'm off the medication and still nursing (constantly). Sure I guess discipline evolves. Self-care etc etc. But the primary primal babyness persists mostly only in the snoozy sleepy details. And to that I say, hats off, and ...
...Well Weissbluth and Ferber and all the glories of sleep training, it was a good year.
Thank you for the sleep in the nights, the eventual naptime peace. Thank you for saving my brain in a difficult baby time. But baby's sleep function has slipped out of whack again.
Yes, I know, sound the threnodic theatrics. Baby sleep is back out of whack yet again. Seriously is it ever in whack? Really, truly, it was. Not perfect, but in whack anyways. But not so much recently.
I feel like every week, we lose a little more. First there was vacation. Then sickness. Then the morning nap went away. Then for a while the afternoon nap got short. Mornings got earlier and earlier...
Last week, it was doubly early wakings - somewhere between 4 and 5 a.m. We accepted them. We revised. This week, it's naps. Ouch. Naps. Not just "one nap." Oh remember when she refused to take her morning nap and we benightedly thought that was a sign of nap transition and hey that's kinda cool. Now it's her one nap of the day.
In the last week, she has taken three out of seven afternoon naps. And one of those three, one only sort of counts. A few days ago, I aborted our nap routine, came downstairs for a while, waited for a bit and then tried again. Yesterday, she actually fell asleep nursing and slept in my lap (in the nursery, in her sleep sack... I guess it was peaceful?) Today - to confound everything - she fell asleep in her crib on her own.
Oh yeah, she also will deign to pass out in the car somewhere mid-morning. But only for a half hour. Like clockwork, her eyes pop open after that.
I suck at sleep training. I can't even commit to not committing to it. Every third day I break down. Every morning, it's just too much not to take the beast on a little car ride for a break for the pair of us. I know "the nap" will be a thing for anther year and I know I should invest in the future. But we are so tired sometimes.
To cobble together a sleep schedule yesterday, it was (1) driving around for about fifty minutes in order to squeeze out a morning nap. I guess I should admit it was also just for peace of mind, because after straight days of skipping naps, my little toddler was friggin' insane and mommy was losing her mind and needed a peaceful moment listening to jazz and enjoying the sunrise; (2) the aforementioned nursing nap. I'm not saying I would like to go in this direction, but I found myself thinking how very much I envied those who could actually cosleep for naps. Sitting very still while my child slept on my lap was nice enough, but I would actually enjoy the cosleeping snuggles. And the rest. It set me back a while in terms of all the shit I do during her naps, but it was restful. I should also add that this has never worked before and I suspect she only took a nap this way because she was so sleep deprived.
Otherwise, she wakes up at 4:30 (or 4:45 if she hasn't had a nap the day before... way to sleep in, I know). When we go through our normal nap routine, she seems kind of fussy but into it. When I start singing to her, she might fuss a bit more, but when I put her down it is complete meltdown. Occasionally I will leave, and she'll spend the better part of an hour talking and playing. Other times, she flips out so much that I end up going back in the room and just sitting with her whispering "it's nap time shhhhh" while she (then) alternates between fussing and playing.
On the bright side, she is way easier to put down for bed on those days... not worth it.
I do think that something else is still "up". Be it the rabid and rapid language development - she did rouse from her boob-snooze yesterday to stare into the distance and whisper DOG, before falling back into a slumber - or teething, or something to do with those rancid stinky farts she's been having after her illness last week... something. But it's also just the age where this happens. I know I am not alone with the nap strikes. I think our toddlers are unionizing and going global. And there will always be something.
And although I keep thinking I can hack this somehow, I also agree that this may just be the "new normal" for a while and just to roll with it. We invested in something called an OK TO WAKE toddler clock. It's a little old for her, but basically it's a clock that has a soft nightlight during sleep time and a different light when nap/sleep time is over. The idea is that it's either nap/sleep or quiet time. Chaya does seem very aware of the light by the stairs and often will stir from a nap (back in the napping days) to look out her door and see if the light is on yet. Eventually, they sleep again I hear. So setting up some limits and starting to communicate the idea of "quiet nursery time" and "time to get up" is something worth doing while the naps go to shiznet anyways.
And yet, although I'm learning more and more the values of getting some momME time, the little beast becomes more and more amazing every day. Her vocabulary expands exponentially. Her dexterity improves by the day. And even the most baleful toddler snuggles are lightyears beyond the most rhapsodic Wagnerian embrace.
And that sleep debt will eventually be made-gooded. I'm sure of it. I think that's what the teenage years are for, right?
Until then, snuggle into your beds and have a wonderful weekend sleep-in for me y'hear? And if you want to sneak into my house at "nap time" and start dinner/clean the toddlernado, I'm not gonna complain.
Oh yeah, she also will deign to pass out in the car somewhere mid-morning. But only for a half hour. Like clockwork, her eyes pop open after that.
I suck at sleep training. I can't even commit to not committing to it. Every third day I break down. Every morning, it's just too much not to take the beast on a little car ride for a break for the pair of us. I know "the nap" will be a thing for anther year and I know I should invest in the future. But we are so tired sometimes.
To cobble together a sleep schedule yesterday, it was (1) driving around for about fifty minutes in order to squeeze out a morning nap. I guess I should admit it was also just for peace of mind, because after straight days of skipping naps, my little toddler was friggin' insane and mommy was losing her mind and needed a peaceful moment listening to jazz and enjoying the sunrise; (2) the aforementioned nursing nap. I'm not saying I would like to go in this direction, but I found myself thinking how very much I envied those who could actually cosleep for naps. Sitting very still while my child slept on my lap was nice enough, but I would actually enjoy the cosleeping snuggles. And the rest. It set me back a while in terms of all the shit I do during her naps, but it was restful. I should also add that this has never worked before and I suspect she only took a nap this way because she was so sleep deprived.
Otherwise, she wakes up at 4:30 (or 4:45 if she hasn't had a nap the day before... way to sleep in, I know). When we go through our normal nap routine, she seems kind of fussy but into it. When I start singing to her, she might fuss a bit more, but when I put her down it is complete meltdown. Occasionally I will leave, and she'll spend the better part of an hour talking and playing. Other times, she flips out so much that I end up going back in the room and just sitting with her whispering "it's nap time shhhhh" while she (then) alternates between fussing and playing.
On the bright side, she is way easier to put down for bed on those days... not worth it.
I do think that something else is still "up". Be it the rabid and rapid language development - she did rouse from her boob-snooze yesterday to stare into the distance and whisper DOG, before falling back into a slumber - or teething, or something to do with those rancid stinky farts she's been having after her illness last week... something. But it's also just the age where this happens. I know I am not alone with the nap strikes. I think our toddlers are unionizing and going global. And there will always be something.
And although I keep thinking I can hack this somehow, I also agree that this may just be the "new normal" for a while and just to roll with it. We invested in something called an OK TO WAKE toddler clock. It's a little old for her, but basically it's a clock that has a soft nightlight during sleep time and a different light when nap/sleep time is over. The idea is that it's either nap/sleep or quiet time. Chaya does seem very aware of the light by the stairs and often will stir from a nap (back in the napping days) to look out her door and see if the light is on yet. Eventually, they sleep again I hear. So setting up some limits and starting to communicate the idea of "quiet nursery time" and "time to get up" is something worth doing while the naps go to shiznet anyways.
The new normal is kind of exhausting. I could use that naptime. If I get up at 4:30 I have just enough time to start breakfast and the like before the beast is up and demanding attention. We've agreed she gets up at 5:30, so even if she's up, I do have some time. At least I get some time if Chaya doesn't officially start flipping out (then I get zen time whispering "it's sleep time" in a darkened room). But I've lost an hour. She used to start waking up around 6 and play for a while after that.
If I'm committing to my sleep training, I may have some time during "nap time" while she plays and fusses in her crib. But I usually end up sitting in the room with her until the end of the arbitrary period. Or caving and ruining everything by being inconsistent whilst saving my last semblance of sanity. The naps she does take are a little less compensatory, since I spend much of them waiting for her to wake up.
Since I'm getting up earlier, I'm getting less time with Andrew in the evening so I can go to bed earlier as well.
Andrew misses a little time with me, but on net this new normal isn't quite the same wear and tear for him. He mostly gets to see Chaya more without much change to his schedule. Well, except waking up an hour earlier on the weekend, which is tough. I do appreciate that he's started watching her for an hour on weekend mornings so I can have some time on the treadmill. And I've already told him that if - as it seems to be next on the list - her night sleep goes to crap, I'll be asking him to sit with her until she goes back to sleep.
And yet, although I'm learning more and more the values of getting some momME time, the little beast becomes more and more amazing every day. Her vocabulary expands exponentially. Her dexterity improves by the day. And even the most baleful toddler snuggles are lightyears beyond the most rhapsodic Wagnerian embrace.
And that sleep debt will eventually be made-gooded. I'm sure of it. I think that's what the teenage years are for, right?
Until then, snuggle into your beds and have a wonderful weekend sleep-in for me y'hear? And if you want to sneak into my house at "nap time" and start dinner/clean the toddlernado, I'm not gonna complain.
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