4 a.m. - baby wakes you up. Per all sleep training history, leave her to resettle.
But you're up, so go ahead and get started on breakfast. It may be your last chance.
4:30 a.m. - baby attempted to go back to sleep. It didn't work. She's howling. You know she's teething and that motrin only lasts so long.
5:00 a.m. - you've gone up. You've given her tylenol. Held her as long as it should take to kick back in. Nursed her because she's totally wired. Decide that sleep training is stupid when daddy is about to be up anyways and he's always looking a little forelorn when you insist we let her play upstairs when she's awake in time for his weekday breakfast (avoid making early risings a habit in theory... ah well)
5:30 a.m. - you've dressed. Toddler has nursed. She's sat awkwardly on your hip while you finish up breakfast.
5:40 a.m. - Daddy usually is down and eating by now. Figure it's ok to set up baby to have breakfast. Why not?
5:45 a.m. - Chaya is set up and howling at having been set down. Daddy finally emerges from the ether, which calms her for a few minutes. He says HIIIIIII CHAYA in an amused voice betraying his delight to see the little Miss. Mommy is not amused and points out this is not a good amount of sleep, and the baby is very grumpy.
5:47 a.m. - Daddy suggests that maybe this is just the "new normal."
5:47 a.m. - Bury Daddy's remains in the basement with his bikes. No really... Not really. Though I bet they sleep in jail sometimes.
5:50 a.m. - Daddy's almost done scarfing his breakfast. Chaya is nursing again.
6:00 a.m. - As mommy goes to put Chaya's milk&OJ back in the fridge, Chaya grabs it and angrily slurps half the cup.
6:40 a.m. - Breakfast part two, after some rambling around the house.
Timeless...
Chaya only consents to be put in her chair, after being supplied with a tupperware full of freeze dried strawberries. As the tray is set down, she yells NAH. Offer her banana. Chaya shakes her head. Then yells NAH again. She eats some strawberries, puts some strawberries in her oatmeal. You put the slices of banana that you'd offered her earlier in her oatmeal. Chaya tosses the the strawberries out of the tupperware. She then plays with the lid for several minutes.
Chaya pokes at her oatmeal. Finds a banana in her oatmeal and yells NAH. Reaches for your coffee. Howls like she's been stabbed, then shoves a strawberry in her mouth while pointing to her reflection in the window and humming DADADADA.
Move some of Chaya's egg to her tupperware. Chaya eats a few pieces from the tupperware.
Chaya throws some egg in her oatmeal.
Chaya throws one spoon on the ground and returns to the tupperware lid. She finds a nut from somewhere on the table (the inside of a peanut M&M) and chews on it for several hours before spitting it back out intact. Mommy goes and finds some pepitas, since she's eaten these before.
Chaya eats a pepita, and begins throwing the rest in the tupperware that used to have strawberry covered eggs.
Chaya tosses the entire tupperware of pepitas in the air. A shower of pumpkiney goodness falls upon the land.
Remove the oatmeal after realizing you're eating more of it than your stomach can take, and that Chaya is likely to throw it on the floor eventually.
Bring over the yogurt-PB-and-fruit smoothie bowl (fancy code for "random ass mush you threw together in the hopes she might be enticed to eat something other than dried fruit for every meal") you'd made earlier after Chaya loved a similar bowl in lieu of her previously planned dinner the other day. Chaya stabs at it with a fork, throws a few strawberries into the mix, and goes back to her tupperware lid.
Chaya yells NAH again. Ask whether she wants banana or if she's just telling you that it is a banana. She yells NAH, reaches out urgently, then shakes her head indignantly as you offer her a slice. She points to the area where other bananas are stored, indicating she doesn't want an old used banana.
Chaya grunts and points in the direction of your coffee. You offer her the banana again. Then a baby sized spork. Then a large spoon, which interests her enough to take a huge scoop of the smoothie olio and smear it all over her face.
Chaya waves the spoon around and drops egg on the ground in a 3:1 ratio to actually putting a few bites in her mouth.
Chaya starts crying woefully and tears off her bib. Then grabs some egg and shoves it in her mouth. She yells "EYE" and points at your face. You say "yes, eye" and point at your eye. She reaches for your eye in order to poke you in the eye while screaming "eye." She is dismayed that you lean forward, but not enough for her to reach you with her food-stained digits. Sobs. Then another strawberry.
Chaya grabs her milk, chews on the straw, and tries out the smoothie bowl as a trusty cupholder. Staring at you with a certain intensity, she bangs the cup on the table, spreading yogurty peanut-buttery goodness around the table. She then is "spent" and casually tosses the drink aside to the ground.
You decide that there's enough smoothie and oatmeal to last another day if you combine them. Also, Chaya likes moving things from bowl. So you bring the oatmeal bowl back out.
Chaya has no interest in mixing the two, but you go ahead and mix them anyways. You throw a few raisins into the smoothie bowl. Chaya grabs one. You mix the rest of the pepitas and errant strawberries in with the oatmeal.
After emptying half of the smoothie bowl into the oatmeal, you've refilled the bowl. You remove the smoothie bowl and take a few other things back to the sink as you get ready to clean up.
Get distracted by some notification on your computer. A few minutes later, you look back and notice that Chaya is now eating from the oatmeal bowl with gusto (and her hands).
Return to the table and drink some coffee. Chaya sees part of a banana and yells NAH! Then eats around it.
Chaya starts squirming and hooting. Remove the oatmeal and start spooning it into a storage container. Chaya picks up an errant blueberry from the oatmeal that was on her tray. Spoon a little oatmeal onto her tray directly. Chaya eats it. Continue spooning little drops of oatmeal. Chaya insists on having the large spoon. She stabs the oatmeal on her tray with it. Then eats some more. Then stabs. Then eats. Then gnaws on the spoon while pointing outside and yelling DAH!! Agree that dogs are outside sometimes, but probably not while it's so dark out.
7:15 a.m. - the velocity of food has increased, mostly towards the floor. Unleash the beast and bring her to the sink to "wash her hands." She plays with her bowls and the faucet for roughly fifteen more minutes, occasionally crying out in agony because of some imagined slight from one of the other dishes. Feel in her mouth to identify the big bulging molars poking through her gums. One is almost out. None of them are nearly close enough though. God, Daddy's right. This is the new normal.
7:54 a.m. - Chaya has done with the sink. You've removed her over-smock t-shirt. She's run around briefly and has located a bag of dried figs, which she proffers to you exepectantly. You give her a small piece. She climbs up. You give her a baby carrot that you were originally planning to eat. She takes it as you wander around the room holding her. She points into the fridge as you go to get another baby carrot. She yells NAH again, then shakes her head when you ask if she wants a banana.
7:57 a.m. - Remove a ziplock bag of squash bread you made. She points as you start to eat one. Give her the bread. She eats a small bit. Figure it's worth a shot and do the same with the egg. She takes a large hunk of egg from you, chews it for a while, and then spouts a fountain of masticated egg all over your shirt and floor.
And so goes the rest of the day...
*****
Snack
Begins with lentil curls bought at the store. An experiment. One that didn't stick. Then she licks some celery dipped in peanut butter. Then half a fruit leather. Then another baby carrot. And a few bites of rye cracker. This was mostly to buy time, while putting groceries away, and less a concerted effort to feed the mad creature.
***
Lunch, which began with some pad woonsen jae (Chaya was having a serious noodle phase last week), sesame crackers and goat cheese, and a big bowl of green beans. Chaya ate the green beans, so more was made. And since Chaya was absolutely ambivalent to the noodles, except when mommy slurped some down and dangled them (which was funny but not enticing), the green beans were drizzled with oil to add a little fat to the mix.
Chaya ate half of the second bowl, making funny noises and showing off her burgeoning teeth in a green-speckled grin.
Then we ended up with Chaya (who was still breaking into howls at the indignity of her high chair) sitting on my lap, upending the bowl of green beans in front of me, throwing goat cheese all over the floor, and eventually growing compulsive about removing the sesame crackers from their container, breaking them and stacking them on the table. Again, eating every third cracker piece. Somewhere in there, she finished her milk, drank a fair bit of water, and threw aside her first milk cup when she saw I'd filled another already.
Lunch ended when Chaya turned around on the ball and started tearing at my shirt.
***
Snack after an unprecedented 2.5 hour nap
Chaya ate most of an almond butter sandwich, a small bowl of frozen peas, several raisins, and some puffs.
***
Dinner when Daddy gets home
Chaya tasted a piece of bread she had demanded from mommy, ignored her rice, eschewed her egg, drank all of her water (and then spends several eons removing her straw and poking it back into the lid), swilled half of her milk&oj, and maybe ate roughly half of a Plum Organic Over-priced-applesauce-but-toddler-won't-eat-regular-applesauce-or-much-else-from-a-refillable-pouch-so-lord-knows-what's-magical-about-this-puree-and-pouch pouch. She used the remainder of the pouch puree apple-sauce to finger paint all over the tray. Then she played at the sink for several hours while mommy palped enough to tell that stupid couple of molars that are so nearly through that she could feel the indents and some serious sharpness.
***
Fell asleep easily.
Woke up at 4:30 a.m.
Begin anew!!
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