Weddingorama Begins

So in case you haven't been reading the latest scandal rags, yes, yes, the rumors are true: Mr. (W)right and I took one step closer to becoming America's latest power couple and put a ring on it.

 We are officially affianced as of April Fool's Day.

 It was kind of what you'd expect for a couple of our respective personalities - a lawyer and an engineer walk into a proposal... I had my "our five year life plan" replete with minutes recorded from our prior conversations on the topic of "the future" and wanted to address some issues that would affect my impending foray back into the rental market, since my roommate wants to buy a house with his new girlfriend and would rather like me to figure out where I'm living so they can do that. 

It was sort of an elephant in the room conclusion of a basic logic problem in many ways: (1) we have agreed for some time that we planned to get married after Andrew graduated to give us some time together before trying to have children, which I've made clear needs to happen before I get too far into my thirties due to a slew of statistics about fertility and adverse side effects of age and reproduction, (2) Andrew now knows he is graduating in March of 2013, (3) We wanted to be engaged for at least a year in order to give every one fair notice and have time to plan the next steps, etc.

So once these were articulated, the last issue was that we didn't know where we might end up living after Andrew graduates, so planning something too far after graduation essentially made it possible that we'd be planning a wedding at a place neither of us lived and it would get messy and confusing. With that hanging out on the table like a big and easy jigsaw puzzle, we kind of looked at each other and said "um... well, so does that just mean we agreed to, uh..." 

I know, most romantic proposal ever, right?!? But actually I thought it really was. We'd already started talking about "our kids" and "our wedding" in decreasingly hypothetical terms. And to me, being able to talk honestly and with full disclosure and make plans together as a partnership blasts a unilateral surprise decision and two months' salary on some sparkly thing that I didn't even get to pick out.

 Andrew got down on one knee and we pretended there was a ring and did everything the "right" way too, and then sat on the couch for a while, as Andrew's twenty-something-roommate escorted out a gentleman caller wearing only a sheet for his walk of shame. Andrew later offered to her that he has some extra shirts for such moments, but she said she kind of prefers to send them out like that for a proper walk of shame. We took some time to revel in the idea and have been slowly informing an increasingly large swathe of acquaintances, cumulating last Friday when we announced it - on Facebook, making us not only engaged but also facebook engaged!

And as of a few days ago, we sent in a deposit on the wedding hall for - drumroll please - APRIL 6, 2013. Let the insanity commence! I've seen my share of weddings, so I know what I'm in for. No matter how much this lady doth protest that I'd like a "simple ceremony" and "am not intending to do much, just a quick exchange of vows and a fun party," I know we won't avoid the odd explosion between a highly combustible combination of expenses, people, and planning stress.

Still, as an organized person, I'm trying to take care of at least some of the variables that I can sort of control to free up my brain for the future. Naturally, I'm generating about a shared google doc every two days for guest list, cost estimates and allocations, etc. I've scanned in and resent all the related documentation about the hall. And I've located what could turn out to be "THE DRESS" Naturally, I am not a wedding dress person. I indulged in the little girl fantasy of big fluffy white for Halloween when Andrew and I went as the chick from Labyrinth and David Bowie from Labyrinth and that was more than sufficient. So I thought I'd go with something more me:

Sadly, that wasn't in my size. So, I bought a dress online that was fairly cheap, but of material that I expect would be amenable to alterations and less .. well... white.

I figure if it's awful, it wasn't too much of a ding to my wallet, and I've got plenty of time to keep looking. So that just leaves, um, the catering, the emcee, the fog machine, the elephant wrangler and uh... some other stuff. Oh yeah, guests, I suppose. Anyways, it's not white (I do not look good in white, let's be clear), it's something I can wear again, and I think I could be comfortable wearing it and dancing for an entire evening, so maybe the antithesis of a traditional wedding dress, but at least it's not red and lime green fishnet material!

After my last drag through wedding-lane, I may have sworn up and down that if it came to my turn, the ceremony would be in Vegas in front of Elvis and miles and miles away from any person I'd ever known or met (web cam presence optional for my future husband, perhaps). Apparently this wasn't actually the most charming attitude, and having gotten past the CRAZY BAR-EXAM BARBIE Adella, I've agreed with Andrew that sharing our joy with family and community would be nice. In my ideal world, we'd get married privately in jeans and then throw a big dance party, but as a compromise, we're going for an exchange of vows that evolves into a nice big party. I am hoping that my mom's mentor and first legal employer will win in the current judicial election, because I would like for her to officiate. We're thinking we'll skip all the ceremonial processions and string quartets, and just have people gather 'round and be there as we exchange our personally written vows and do whatever else is required to count as a ceremony. Hell, I'd like to sign the marriage certificate in front of every one, since honestly there's nothing that sets my heart astir like a good binding legal document or license to marry.

Forget flowers, I just want hundred of notary stamps!!

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Anyways, buckle in y'all, because I fully anticipate you're getting front row seats for a good chronicle of how a practical sensible (but whimsical) divorce attorney loses her mind and starts to breathe fire as she attempts to navigate the intricacies of the ever-terrifying wedding industry. Ultimate question, though: since I may end up at the odd wedding show (my dance teacher offered to let me be his follow for demos at the next show he works so I could get a free in), would it be in poor taste to start passing out my card?


And yes, one of my more ornery cynical grumpy-bear friends actually responded to my engagement announcement asking if it wasn't kind of weird for me to be getting married, you know, considering my profession. Answer to that, actually, is no, and having really seen what rights and responsibilities are created by marriage and struggling with the constitutional issues related to it I actually have a far deeper respect for the institution than I used to as a lay person. Although I may have a concerning way of talking about weddings, when I say things like "well, I anticipate that were it to come up, given my experience with your conflict style, that we could commit to an amicable dissolution..." and also that I think marriage is far more romantic when both people realize that there's no guarantee that it's eternal because there is a way to end it if necessary, and thus the marriage is about choice and constantly renewing that choice to work on something together and less about inertia or dependence. Ok, that might not make it into my wedding vows though.

Might not... we'll see how I'm feeling closer to the wedding.

In the meantime, if you live in the neighborhood, may I strongly suggest that in lieu of cute little cutlery, you give me the gift of a vote for Deborra Garrett in the judicial elections next year. Or money. I take money, too!