Mediation Training Part Two

Today I muddled through my first mock mediation: I. Am. So. Exhausted.

Our afternoon session broke us up into smaller groups, and we went through three mock mediations, alternating roles and scenarios with each rotation. During the first two, I played clients of different dispositions. It was kind of a fun and informative experience. I definitely gleaned a lot of insight about what it feels like to be at that table and some of the questions and reactions somebody in that position might have. In our first scenario, we both felt very aligned with different mediators - our coach highlighted that part of this sense of division was partially due to the fact that the one listening to me was sitting on my side of the table and vice versa. Through our second exercise, they switched this and it did completely alter my sense of one being for me and one against me. I also experienced my own sense of client indignation when one of the mediators reacted very sympathetically to the party across the table. I actually felt jealous and unlikeable for a minute. There is really a thin line between being empathetic to the speaking party and making the other party feel discounted or adverse.

The exercise was designed for co-mediators, but our numbers were uneven. By the time my turn came up, everyone else had already mediated in intimidatingly brilliant form. I volunteered to go it alone; perhaps I did this because I was feeling daring and just wanted to see if I could in typically obstinate Adella form, or perhaps I simply figured I could never live up to all the other mediators so I might as well take on a task so daunting that any failure could be completely understandable. A bit of both, I guess. Regardless, it was terrifying. And by that I mean that I am still shaking an hour afterwards. After the mediation was over, my coach asked if I needed to take a break before we debriefed and told me repeatedly that the most important thing was that I hung on!

My case also turned out to be the most complicated fact pattern with the two most contentious parties. By the time I'd started my opening statement, they were already arguing and at one point very early on, one of the parties announced that she hated the other side. Almost every step of the way there was some conflict or complication. Maybe the actors relented, or maybe perserverence really is the most important virtue, but they managed to make two interpersonal agreements before I was halfway through my opening statements and things calmed down from there. I felt completely baffled and panicked a few times, particularly after the first party gave me her story and I was supposed to repeat my understanding of what she'd said. I thought I might throw up as I heard myself muttering something like "that's understandable" (ouch no we don't say things that imply a value judgment and/or alienate the other side!) and "Is that correct?" (nooo she just said we should avoid words like that because they suggest one party is lying!!! NOOOO). Things got a little better from there, but if it had gone any longer I might have collapsed.

My feedback was probably disporportionately positive, due to an overwhelming recognition about the strain of going it alone, but nonetheless encouraging. Aside from merely hanging in there, I projected a "gentle" and "tentative" manner that de-escalated the initial conflict and made it difficult for the actors to remain as intractable as they'd originally intended; this was a result that might not have happened with a stronger more proactive personality. I left matters in their hands and this kept the mediation from breaking down before it began, by empowering them. One of the actors said that as her character, she would have felt embarrassed to interrupt her hated neighbor, because it would have lost face in front of somebody who was speaking to her on her level and with respect. I also connected with two very disparate parties on their individual levels. Most importantly is my own feedback: I didn't break down crying. Go me!

Anyways, after another couple of moments of coming down, it's time to continue studying for my exam on Monday. Gee, I hope I'm not foolhardy enough to turn down a co-mediator tomorrow.