Well Happy Superbowl season! And/or Valentine's. And/or ski break!

Yes, I did leave 2023 on a bit of a Cliffhanger and I didn't even mentions of Christmas, but... well... 

I'm sort of trying to figure out a balance here. 

I asked Allan if she'd like to choose a picture for my blog and this is the one she chose, so... enjoy. 

Good point, ND is not even remotely just autism and ADHD and it isn't actually code for "weird." But I like the word weird. It technically means "fate" and "uncanny" and "supernatural". So ... bring it. 

But I digress.

I'm trying to be more aware of Allan's online persona. I do check with her before publishing anything (which can contribute to the longer publishing delays) but even then... It's an interesting balancing act for somebod who overshares and thus oversharents by instinct. 

Well then, you say...

How are you? (Fine, fine and you?)

Maybe you don't. But you probably do. Cuz that's what we do. 

SO it's a stereotype, but also it's pretty clear from social media that a lot of autistic people really abhor certain scripted conversations rituals that make up the bulk of "small talk." A lot of exasperated "if you didn't want to know how I was WHY DID YOU ASK ME??" 

I don't really take issue with the little baubles of small talk. I loved working in a customer facing job and having the same few conversations all day. The clarity of the script was so refreshing. The familiarity was grounding. 

Also, I find all those little "non-communicative" conversational rituals fascinating. Linguistic anthropology could be said to be within my special interests. Harrold Pinter said in much better ways that language is essentially a smoke screen to cover up the actual things being communicated, and that's always fascinated me. I am drawn non-literal conversation of any kind. (even if I get exasperated with it when it's in my personal life and i just want to call "scene" and ask everyone their motivation)

 If you say "how are you?" I'll say "fine" and we'll both know that we really just said "hi, I acknowledge your presence and maybe if our miens indicate interest we could warm this into a conversation". I also say "bless you" when somebody sneezes and think nothing of the theological implications of such.

While we're dallying with small talk: the weather! I do not understand people who dismiss weather talk. 

Weather is life! It impacts everything! And being hypersensitive to everything, it's a huge deal for me. 

I don't understand most of meteorological science, but I love it anyways. I still read Cliff Mass even if his political rants are a little off putting. I miss my weather twitter. 

My (obviously totally 100% neurotypical I'm sure) dad and I mostly communicate through short emails sent throughout the day, frequently entirely about the development of the weather in our various locations. And you know what... it really works. 

Which is to say, it's been awfully warm this year and we haven't had almost any snow. That apparently qualifies this year for "worst year ever" so far. SO that really says it all

So... you say, indicating a complete change in meaning of the exact same phrase, how are you?

What, me? You really want to know? Fine. Fine. But to say much more, there's going to have to be some sharenting here.

How can I write about my life without writing about my kid when my life is in fact my kid?? None of us exist absent of context. So how do we tell our own story without potentially trampling or co-opting somebody else's?

Case in point, much of my life is involved with schools and impromptu homeschools right now.  

Background: school has lots of cool things and also it's pretty exhausting and hard for some kids.I have read that school refusal/avoidance really should be called school anxiety. Because its not willful. And this feels true. But it's also really complicated. IEPs can help I hear!

Also, damn IEPs take a looooong time. Or a lot of work. Or... something. First there are some initial evaluations for various diagnoses that are deemed likely to make the IEP process "easier" (very much in the "all relative" arena). THEN you eventually decide those were taking too long and go ahead and make the referral requist anyways. 

After the referral, the school gets a professional to do an investigation - over the course of 21 school days. Not regular days, not work days or week days, but school days. This is an investigation over whether an investigation should be done to see if the child should get an IEP.

 There are more forms and evaluations during the pre-evaluation plan. Then there's a meeting

... and THEN there is another 40 school days during which another evaluation process happens. And then there's a meeting and then... and then I think we are flown to an island of demi-gods to battle dinosaurs for a magical special needs gauntlet which we must then exchange with the Sea Witch for the Little Mermaid's voice which is then mixed with rainbow unicorn sneezes and offered in a blender to the initial evaluator... Or something like that. 

So, that's been fun. 

 Also fun: watching a lot of movies. Movies are the new hotness in the Wright household. TV is so last year. Youtube is probably the endless void, but movies are discrete, definitive and... yes, if you get up at 5:30 in the morning you can fit one in before school and that does make for a surprisingly easier transition (even if suddenly my one me-time of the day is now an us-time)

The favored flicks are all animated, which I enjoy mostly. That said, you gotta watch out for Disney and their ridiculously... 

Giant eyes!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOO

So I don't know if this is at all related to my particular neurotype and generally actually finding eye contact a little overstimulating... It's not that I can't make it. I absolutely make and return eye contact with people out and about. But if I feel really close to you, I probably do it a lot less. Because i find it distracting and a bit grotesquely vulnerable. There's just so much going on with eyes. I'll feel a little guilty if you keep looking at me and I don't return your gaze, but consider it intimacy if I drop the mask and continue not to meet your gaze. 

But also... 

I hate this. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I don't know why but it squicks me the heck out. Especially the weirdness of the shape and the excess white and the drugged out nighttime pupils. 

I also am not a fan of her teeny tiny nose and her non-existance chin (like seriously are disney princesses just extremely skinny and tall babies?), but the eyes are what freak me out. 

It extends from structural elements of the face - from the cheekbone to the eyebrow line. And that just feels like her eyes are EATING her face. And possibly me. 

I love Rapunzel, but I would pay for an app that shrunk her eyes down to half size. Or even 3/4 size. 

And yet, I still hate the Frozen eyes more than Rapunzel eyes even though she's technically even more bug eyed (and seriously girl, did you just come back from the optometrist or are we pounding edibles here?) 

And seems like it's a lazy norm in animation these days. 

BORING INTO YOUR SOUL!

Yes yes I know. Bigger eyes are more expressive and look more like babies which we're conditioned to think of as cute, and bigger pupils are more attractive... but like ... to a point, and then it's just weird!

 I think it bothers me MUCH more when it's rendered in 3D. While I don't dig the giant eyes of every cartoon character ever, it passes more into uncanny valley territory with the animation.

 Maybe it also just feels like the 3D art is a bit same-same. Sort of plastic looking. More like dolls than people, but still a bit too much like people somehow. 

That said, it can get pretty squicky with, say, the anime styles that go above and beyond...

I'm sorry. She looks more like a bug creature and I hate it. 

I have no problem typically with animals having "cute eye". Becaues they're animals I guess? And it's usually less extreme. Then again cute lil eyes are pretty darned cute to me... 

Dear Disney: Please stop please! I know I am only one quirky autistic person, and that for whatever reason this seems to be my individual hangup, but my child single handedly watches the entirety of your catalogue on a daily basis and I am a part of that, so for my sake??? 

Since movies - animated in particular - have become the thing, I've seen a lot. During Allan's first official "sick day" we watched 8 movies, for instance. 

I am a sucker for a good story, but I've been focusing more on animation style itself. There is a really cool variety these days and some real hackiness in the made-for-Netflix brand. And yet, actually even with Netflix, you can find a lot of creativity. And many styles don't rely on gigantic baby bug eyes to give their characters expressive faces!

A few animation styles I have been digging. Note most of them aren't creepy scary bug eyed babies even if some of the principles of that aesthetic are still embraced: 

 They did amazing comic book things with it and really leveled up what visuals can do for setting tone and story telling 

Really really beautiful work. 

I believe i read they used 6 different styles of animation in this film and it comes together really evocatively. 

Generally Pixar has more interesting 3D style

Soul: stylized again but in an original and interesting way. Almost a hint of claymation to the aesthetic. 

Marvel's What If...? (especially the second season) takes more of the 1990s super hero comic/cartoon approach but levels it up a fair bit with good CGI and a lot of subtle detail. 

Then speaking of Netflix, there's this... 

Sea Beast is surprisingly cool looking. From the "beasts" to the people, it had some extra draw and generally felt less plasticine. 

And of course there's Puss in Boots; The Last Wish. Which was gorgeous! They used a really great mix of styles through different periods of the movie that synched beautifully with the music and had a really cool feel throughout.

Looking back to its origins, hey, Princess Fiona looked pretty ok too

 either way

Or you know... we could just go straight for the eyes here and go Blue Eye Samurai

Very noticeable eyes and yet... 

They did some amazingly cool things with animation in this series as well. Drawing from traditional japanese art, anime, and other forms of animation as well as 3d. 

There are some gorey scenes and they do them justice but also some very delicious ones. Especially in one of the later fight scenes when the hero(ine) has been dosed with hallucinogens. It gets trippy. 

Well, I guess that was a bit of a serpentine route through my psyche, but that's the best I can say for "how am I". 

Not bad

A lil bit worn out. 

Enjoying some fine animation and surviving some other! 

And a little bit about  Allan...

Actually Allan has specifically requested I write about her being sick earlier. 

Because she was... indisposed for a fat long while and it was... well, not exactly fun but on the other hand I think we watched about 15+ movies in the interim so that was a win at least. 

Some time in late January, Allan had a field trip. It was apparently an awesome event and she loved it. But I'm also gonna guess that there were many other buggy children all squished into a bus together on the way to and fro. 

The next day, she was in a bit of a state. She really didn't want to go to school, but she was having a meet up with a nurse who was doing some evaluation stuff and Allan really really wanted to talk to Nurse Shelly. So she went despite my better judgemetn. Apparently it was not a great day, except for the part with Nurse Shellie, which was fantastic and made up for everything. 

By the afternoon Allan was perfectly fine. 

By the evening, Allan was kind of tired and kept complaining of being "cold." I figured she was literally just wiped out after the field trip and a tough day at school. 

She went to bed like normal, and then came to find me after I'd gone to bed. I cuddled with her for a while until Andrew could come relieve me. Then, just as I was about to go back to sleep, I heard some commotion and saw the text "Allan just threw up!"

When I emerged from the bedroom, they were downstairs getting her cleaned up, so I went ahead and cleaned the fairly inundated bedsheets. Allan eventually passed out on the couch downstairs and was still pretty cozy there by the morning. 

She had a fever, so we gave her ibuprofen and she seemed ... not bad. Watched about 8 movies to relish the sick day exception to our screen time limits. She seemed to be feeling better. 

The next day, we figured she was in fact better. No fever. Generally good color. And she'd had a hard time sleeping the night before, which I over-optimistically attributed to too much television. 

Then about midday she drank a ton of sprite and got very uncomfortable, claiming she had to "burp". Apparently "burp" really means "puke your stomach contents out".  So the rest of that day was less fun, with the occasional puke fest and not a lot of joy about the general ickiness of that. 

The next day was harder, with her unable to keep down even plain water and popsicles, which are our usual go tos. We started trying to pace her drinking, one small sip every five minutes. Which worked until we got confident and went to once every couple of minutes. The evening ended in baptism yet again. I was starting to research urgent care iv options just in case this persisted and she was kind of weak and dizzy. 

the next day we had a program in which Allan paced her drinking to once every five minutes for the entire morning and into the afternoon. She finally felt rehydrated and put her drink down. We still rested. 

the next day she could drink but didn't really want to eat. And therefore mostly needed to rest. We eventually had about one cracker or two. She tried popcorn. No thanks. She tried saltines, ok but no thanks. 

Finally the day after that, she ate a bagel and it tasted good. Popsicles came back into rotation. By bedtime she even had some plain gnocchi. Still in a deficit, but doing better. 

A few more days of tired and she was back in business. 

 Allan has approved this account of how 2024 did not necessarily start off to the most fun note. She would also like to point out that it did not actually snow the way it was supposed to and that was kind of lame. 

So far February has been a far superior month. 

Also: Fine. How are you?