It's been another hot (low grade febrile) minute...
Yes, hot. It has been hot. May was basically August down to the smoke. And while June has cooled its heels a bit, it has largely shown minimal sign of actually bringing on the typical June Gloom. I am told it was actually cooler and rainier while I was in my COVID cave, but... prove it!
Regardless, happy summer! Have an ice cream bar! Enjoy full sunlight and small armies of very vocal birds crashing into your window at 4:45 a.m! Wahooo!
I think it is rather appropriate to answer one long post about the covid epidemic (endemic?) With another post that involves covid.
But of course so much more has happened than just yet another one biting the dust. Are there any of you who are still covid virgins? Lemme tell ya, based on the last couple of months, your days are indeed numbered...
But first...
Long before all that, time, indeed, passed!
That's pretty much it in a nutshell! Time passes relentlessly and unstoppably and there we are.
But to be a bit more granular, May passed (in a rather steamy smoky fashion)..
And Zelda happened! WHOOOOOOOOO! We jumped on a cultural zeitgeist here and spent an entire childless weekend playing this. I mean this: entire. Hours upon hours were played. Breaks were taken. More hours were played. There's still more to go!
But lest anyone forget, it was also Mother's Day! Allan was very excited about Mother's Day which she observed by spending the weekend at Pam's house and instructing me to make something for Pam for when they got back. I made Mother's Day cards for my hallmark hating mom and my child and it's about the most that we've ever done for the holiday.
Oh except the schools always help the kids observe in some way and this year... awww
I love you because I have been with you all the time. I love you. Thank you for always... You always love me. That is why I love you. My favorite thing about you is how much you love you.
Melt.
Next weekend we made it to The West Seattle Bee Festival! It was a big stinkin' event just outside our house. Allan was in heaven moving from booth to booth picking up random swag.
And as time kept on passing, we buzzed on through several nice little weekly rituals. Including school (for better and worse) and including OT
OT. OT is really amazing. Allan is working with another little girl to learn about certain social complexities and generally just have a really good time. It's interesting how much I learn from her sessions. So much about what makes a functional social interactino. So much about the nuances of conversation that are immediately familiar but you wouldn't articulate usually.
Rebound questions, for instance. The idea that if somebody asks you a question you might then want to ask them a question to keep the conversation in balance. And you can actually just turn around the question they asked you and ask it to them. Our OT calls this a rebound question. I've always used them doggedly, but Allan has never been super keen.
A few weeks ago, we were talking about OT and I asked Allan if she'd been using them with others. In elaboration, she said not really because she wasn't sure they'd be wanted.
We agreed sometimes she dislikes having questions asked and it was empathetic of her not to want to make people uncomfortable.
She said she really dislikes it when Andrew and others ask her how she's doing, which is clear since she often yells DON'T ASK ME THAT, rather indignantly.
I explained that often that's sort of a way of saying "hey I care about you" and that you aren't necessarily expected to give a really honest answer. Which is weird, but it's just a ritual that we have in our society.
She said she wished she could read minds so she could know when people wanted her to ask questions and when they didn't and when they really wanted to know how she was and when they didn't. Don't we all?
But it's cool she's getting some insight into the little skeleton keys of a typical social interaction hereabouts even if she's skeptical.
Beyond the day to day May was full of even more excitement, as May tends to be. Weather weirdness aside, it was also a good month for visitors.
First we spiffed up the guest room (nee "quarantine room") and Allan's Gramma Lisa came to visit. It was a fun, relatively chill trip that involved some parks
some dinosaurs
and some piano!
Immediately after Gramma Lisa had left, Stephanie came through town. Off a cruise boat and into my car for half a day or so. Well really, my house. And then back into my car for the airplane. It was great. We talked. We hung out. We picked up Allan.
We, uh, breathed a lot of each other's air...
A lot.
Then I took her to the airport and went about the rest of my business. Kind of. For a day or two life went along normally until I got the inevitable text message picture of a positive covid test
Why didn't we use these when she visited??? That would've been so awkward. So retro? And yet so... not nuking an entire month of the Wright family's lives.
Ah well. By the first Thursday of June, I had either allergies of a lil covidy sore throat
By Friday I felt awful. Which I do sometimes. I had woken up feeling overheated the night before, which is a typical hystamine dump kinda thing that happens to me in allergy season. And the effects lingered. I was all prickly and tingly and achy and my heart rate was through the roof whenever i tried to move and my temperature was a bit elevated. Mind you, I get this way as part of the MCAS/Fibro fandango. I took two or three covid tests and they were all negative, so I donned a mask and carried on.
On Saturday morning I actually thought I felt better but took a covid test anyways and...
keep looking... or wait a few hours.
A few hours later it was pretty quick to show and clear to see.
I got a call in for Paxlovid and Allan and Andrew went on a wild goose chase trying to find the actual Rite Aid that the Rx had been sent to. Spoiler alert: it wasn't the one they said it would be. Carmen Sandiago shenanigans, I tell you.
Overall it was a bit of everything. I had a high heart rate and a low grade fever for a few days. And I was pretty constantly a bit dizzy/shaky. But overall I was mostly awake during the day (and sometimes at night) and a little restless; never reached the endlessly passed out others have described. And never got a cough. The Paxlovid definitely made me nauseous and refluxy, but it wasn't terrible. And I was pretty itchy because hives and eczema don't love this set up.
I managed to develop a routine around the family comings and goings. I'd sneak upstairs before anyone got up, start the coffee and leave Allan a little note and treat. Then I'd send Andrew a good morning video to show to Allan when she woke up. I'd hide until she was off for school and sneak up to do a little cleaning. I'd sneak up for lunch and to pack up dinner. Then I'd find the notes or drawings or games Allan left me and leave her some more. We'd video chat maybe during the day and I'd video again to read to her at night. it was sweet. We sometimes talked through the window from my room into the front yard.
I missed my hugs!
And holy shiznet I was *tired*. Yes I trucked through some daily chores through the usual stubborn willpower of the chronically ill, but walking up the stairs felt like I was running several flights up. Muscles all literally shaking. And the day I folded Allan's laundry, my muscles burned afterwards like I'd been to a workout class. Pretty sure it did me no favor on sticking recovery landing.
I was a little concerned as I finished my round of paxlovid. What does it mean if you're still positive after taking this miracle anti viral? Honestly I still don't know. It seems heavily implied that paxlovid just stops covid in its tracks and everything just gets better. A true miracle drug! For me, it didn't. I never got that sick (so thank you paxy), but it didn't seem to clear much up either. I just kind of stalled out at dizzy and fatigued. I was still positive by that Thursday when my Rx concluded.
I hadn't had a fever really ever, and I missed my family. So we tried hanging out with me masking in rooms with lots of air exchange.
I went negative the next morning, so another day of masks and freedom...
I woke Allan up and got her ready for school, drove her there, and then took a nap because damn that was kinda exhausting. My mom had come for the weekend, so I didn't have to pick Ms Allan up but I still waited for her in the main room. Allan and I cuddled a lot (with me trying to keep my masked face far away, but to little avail). We played. We hung out. I ate downstairs and went to bed early.
Day after that I felt nuts but I could have sworn I saw a faint shadow line on the new test I had gotten. I tested again on the original brand I'd used and it was negative. So, I figured it was just the vestiges that the first test was unable to pick up on. Still I decided to keep masking because that was not the requisite two negatives. Day was the same as before. Lots of hanging out. Lots of snuggles. Thank god for the extra sensitive test because...
then... the Sunday after my first covid bout, I got a decidedly dark and clear rebound test!
It got darker...
Whoooooooo. Back to the covid cave for me.
Rebound was interesting. The first day or two my symptoms were totally different. Runny runny nose, sneezing, conjunctivitis. It was an entirely different covid beast, and one that made me understand a bit better all that nonsense about Covid just being a "bad cold". After that it returned to kind of tired, dizzy and easily fatigued. With a side of palpitations whenever I got out of bed.
Allan and Andrew miraculously remained negative. And my mom stuck around most of the week, then took Allan to her house for the weekend. Thank goodness!
I stopped testing myself for a few days, because it was just depressing. I think I had a few meltdowns on day three because I decided that i would never actually recover from COVID and would simply be left in that room for months on end, the first case ever to never recover.
By the fourth day or so I was back to a very faint line and went negative on day five. Not that I believed it one bit this time around.
I have been having (more) palpitations and unfamiliar discomfort in my chest. It got fairly prominent on Saturday, so Andrew and I had our very first post-covid date at the ER, where I got screened for a million things (normal) and then told "yeah sometimes that just happens a while after covid". Wheeeee. Extra fun is that a blood test they ran (at great agony to my rolly polly veins) "couldn't rule out" a clot, so they gave me a CAT scan with contrast. Since contrast is a huge mast cell trigger, I got all premedicated with IV benadryl and pepcid and felt daaaaaaamn relaxed. SO now I don't know if my general feeling of malaise is post-covid, post benadryl/pepcid, or a low grade reaction to the contrast dye! It's so fun! Also I could have a delayed reaction anytime in the first wee so... also fun! Adventure!
BUT I got my 2 negatives over 48 hours (and a few more because trust me I'm paranoid now) and I get to hug and kiss and squeeze my kiddo again! Which feels AMAZING! Oh my god! And also hurts a little because my kiddo loves rough and squiggly and I've also been kicked and scratched and bopped into with love.
Worth it.
I'm still exhausted, and I'm sure it'll be a beast getting back to any kind of routine, but I managed to at least vacuum the main floor again.
One floor only half covered in carpet. It apparently needed it. For reference I usually vacuum several times a week. I don't wanna know what the other floors and the stairs are harboring at this point.
And eventually I'll finish getting Allan's laundry put away.
And heck, it's summer today! Allan is celebrating by putting away all her hoodies and just wearing dresses. It was a revelation to her that she could do this!
I am celebrating by forcing myself to rest. Back int he covid cave where I can't see all the things I "need" to get done. I'm not great at resting but I'm getting better at it.
Happy Summer. I hope everyone embraces the bright and sunny but also just a lil bit of the negative... I'm a pretty big fan of negative
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