We've had a snow storm. A fresh new chapter of our endimic/pandemic. Several supply disruptions. Flooding. And today there's a tsunami warning! Well sure is an interesting New Year so far.
First off, I had an actually fantastic New Year's. Watched Harry Met Sally with a friend and then counted down to East Coast New Year's with another. It was positively joyful and I still got to bed mostly before the fireworks started going off!
Hard party time for sure.
Allan and Andrew actually did make it home, but only after their flight out of San Francisco was cancelled and they had to drive to San Somethingorotherelse to catch a later flight home. But heck. They made it home!
And you'd think that would be enough to not want to travel again any time soon... you'd think. Andrew decided it wasn't complicated enough and is now trying to sort of testing, travel and car rental requirements across borders!! He says it's for good skiing. I am pretty sure it's just for the dopamine rush of trying to make it there and back intact. Canada incidentally has a travel advisory against it at the moment but is not activelly closed-border. So... we'll see.
Anyways. Needless to say we hit this year running and fell face first into January.
I saw a meme about having now taken more covid tests than pregnancy tests... and damn. By a long margin. Can't say the negative is quite so bittersweet (though the whole "negative means... act like you're still sick and retest!!!" has its own nihilistic edge to it).
Basically my base level existence is roughly "all the symptoms of 'mild' covid ALL THE TIME" so I have rubbed several hundreds of dollars worth of rapid cotton swab around my swollen nasal cavities at this point. It's exciting. Kind of miss the early covid days when the UW research lab just sent me PCR tests to the door and picked them up in the name of research! As I'm not currently on immune suppressants (they actually could help my skin a ton, but uh pandemic and all, so I'll just go bald instead thanks), AND am semi recently boosted, I'm currently more concerned about passing it along to people, but the damned experience still doesn't sound super fun either.
After a one day cancellation, Allan's school has so far been back in session. This is not guaranteed on any given day. The criteria for going remote is for attendance to dip below 50% and it was exactly at 50% last week. Several other classrooms have already gone remote so pick up and drop off is a little eerie all told.
Allan has refused to level up her masking yet, despite many attempts AND a successful trip to San Francisco in some super adorable Hello Kitty masks. Her best friend's mom gave us a mask that her bestie wears. I thought that would be absolutely golden but in the end she refused to wear this to school either.
For the moment, we're "practicing" with them on weekends to see if she can get comfortable enough not to hyperventilate at the thought of wearing them to school. A little while ago I forgot her crayola masks on the way to school and we had to drive home to get one. It is very big to her and she is not ok with changing. So this will be a gradual process. But it's hard going. And she's been through a lot. I'm glad she's fully vaccinated. I'm wishing I'd been a little pokier on getting boosted, as we're nearing the 10 week mark where all that benefit starts to wear off, but glad I am boosted regardless.
The rest of us are trying our best to level up as well. Though any of the processed non-cloth kind bother my skin (of course) so when I'm just dropping Allan off at school I stick with cloth.
But definitely for my xolair and allergy shots, I jump into a fairly blah KN-95
yes, I had my second xolair and the last shot where I have to stay at the clinic for two hours after. I could still have anaphylaxis at any time, but the odds are somewhat narrower so fuck it, we all gotta live! I do carry an epi with me everywhere though I'm not 100% sure I'd actually know when to use it. From what i read, anaphylaxis can be a lot more common and you can have low grade systemic reactions for a damned long time. But whatever. I'd say I think I"ll know when I need to, but I barely made it into the birthing center before Miss Allan popped outta me because i was sure it was just "bad gas" or some kind of back pain. So... who knows!
It's been some months now and I know what you're gonna say: Any improvement??
Side note commences... now
A lot of very lovely people can sound positively impatient for the allergy shots to start working or the xolair to do something magic. I appreciate it. There's a great deal of compassion and empathy in that curiousity (or maybe you just follow this like a soap opera and are following your naturally programmed desire for constant change). But sometimes it can make me feel like a bit of a disappointment. Not to say you, gentle reader, are othering me in any way. You're just curious and along for the ride.
Also, are you really so gentle? I think some of you are tromping through this text with cleats on and ripping out gerunds by the throat here. Admit it. Why on earth are readers ever considered gentle. Awesome reader. Bodacious reader. Etc etc.
Tons of you know exactly where I'm coming from because you have your own mysteries and limitations. There's camaraderie in finding your people even if they aren't exactly the same diagnostic tribe. It feels safe to talk about things with people who have their own things, basically. With the hoi polloi, the so called "normal" folks, being "ill" - or heck I'll bite and say "disabled" - can be a subtley othering experience. Usually with the best of intentions.My intimates can sometimes wax into these states where they are hoping harder than me that I'll be better (able to do all the things they like to do or used to enjoy doing with me) and missing where I was.
Can get to a point where I am now feels like their regards for me in the moment are a giant donut hole of a place holder. It's like they admire/like/love me... with an asterisk. "Considering what you've been through..." or "with all your limitations."
I also feel lucky and want to take notes from some of my friends. I have one in particular who just feels there with me in a way that is completely opposite of othering. It's 100% sameing? I guess accepting. He doesn't shy away from my hard shit (he's come to my doctor's appointments via text and "holds my hand" when it's really really rough visits), but it feels like he's not waiting for me to be fixed. When I tell him I can't do something a certain way he wants to learn "my way" or to learn how to do things the way that works for me. He actually wants to eat my food. All of who I am is subject to the same kind of curiosity and connection that most people reserve for my high points. Regardless of whether it's pleasant or not.
Nice to have a friend who doesn't take me in spite of or grade me on a curve because of my problems. It's a big cohesive whole. for him. And I'm really grateful for that, because I don't feel that a ton. I love all my friends. Even if they're discounting for disability. But I'm super grateful to just be ok to somebody. Cool even.
end total tangent and resume normal operations.
Which is to say, tl;dr. Honestly I don't really notice a big difference with any of the treatments so far (and I'm not 100% sure the allergy shots aren't making things a little worse, but we carry on because it's supposed to take a long long time)
TWIST ENDING! Except not. Kind of exactly what you'd expect.
Anyways, life is still good if a little chaotic. I would love to imagine that we really are at the PEAK of the whole thing and there will be a rapid return to... well not normal, but less existential terror and unreliability of basic functional systems. I'm not really sure at this point. But it's all ok because...
... WE'RE BUYING A BIG SCREEN TV!
That's right. We're giving in and going for it. I have a subscription to this service that streams ballets, operas, theater and symphony. And I've also been getting into soccer and it's really hard to follow all the tiny ants jumping around on my laptop. And and... oho I'm excited, we're going to get a Nintendo Switch as well!
Andrew and I were realizing that it's been a bit hard to find activities to share together, what with our limited time, the virus, my allergies, etc etec.
As somebody to whom the whole perfumed disinfected world has been rendered inaccessible, I've been playing more games on my phone recently. Sharing duolingo with a friend. Meeting people in virtual spaces. It's actually a really cool way to expand beyond where we're all a little stuck during this pandemic. And Andrew plays a some games in the evening when he's winding down. So... why not. We're also getting more into regular board and card games because Allan's just hitting the right age and once you start playing with kids, you realize it could be fun to play without. It'll be interesting to see all that we can discover.
Exploding kittens is fun. And I have very little clue what I'm doing in Civilization, but I have eradicated some barbarians AND built a granary, so I'm feeling pretty good about my settlement and it's 2.5 citizens.
Anyways, I leave you with a little excerpt of a much longer story (stay tuned to Andrew's insta because i'm pretty sure he's posting the full series soon). This is Bad Chaya and Good Chaya. As you may recall, when our little bunny became Allan, Chaya went fully feral and ran away. She was living in holes outside the house for a while. On the roof. Poking in to cause mischief. Eventually she became "Bad Chaya" and "Good Chaya" and they both hung around with Allan at naptime and bedtime before Bad Chaya went off to join the circus. There was also The Chaya Who Does Not Know Her Name (and the Chaya That Knows Her Name)
Now they feature in our thoughts from time to time and Allan tells some wicked stories about them. Bad Chaya has long wild hair that snags Good Chaya up well. Good Chaya follows Bad Chaya around encouraging her to be good and trying to right the wrongs Bad Chaya has created. I can't wait to see how the stories develop.
May you all stay safe and healthy as is your level and don't get too caught up in your wild self's hair too badly!
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