It seems only fair to mention that the passing of Chaya's cold (and intermittent tummy issues) also marks the passing of her roughest spots.
Like eating! She's been eating again. Mac and Cheese and waffles are actually enough enticement to get her to the table 7 times out of 10. Praise the powers that be. Working on finding the perfect "mac and cheese pot pie" recipe, because I think that would be pretty much golden.
She's intermittently nap-striking and gleefully pushing boundaries (while shouting colorful things about mommy's maxipads in public), but we are not reaching Chaypocalypse this week as we wind through "No Preschool" week and leading into "WHERE'S DADDY????" week (Alaska, honey, Daddy's in a helicopter in Alaska)
We rock on. Last week we drove to the Harbor in Bellingham for a splendid and very impressive party at the Maritime Heritage Center. Chaya and I were ready for the noonday party by 8 a.m, so we were early even with an epic "smell every spice" binge (one of my favorite strange family past time where we just find every spice, herb, and sauce in the house and smell them to discuss aroma), a bath, and a lot of construction in the intervening hours.
We then followed up with a trip to the aquarium in Seattle on Sunday where we saw some family friends (foreshadowing) and fish! And... fairies.
Chaya's a magical fairy these days per her report. We're pretty sure that her magical ability is conjuring and disappearing things at random. It would explain where several toys, my gray hoodie, a few important documents, and her parents' sanity occasionally end up.
Speaking of magic, Andrew went through a flurry of home improvement fix-ups, ensuring that at least the home itself will run smoothly in her awesome absence (knock on wood). We actually solved the mystery of the leaking basement that has plagued our home ownership from day one. We think. No promises. Don't want to tempt fate.
And now, the time has come. Hubba-hubba is going on that ski trip of a lifetime after a season of build up to it and many years dreaming of it. He'll be helisking in Alaska with his brother. It's well awaited (most of his life dreaming of it) and well-earned (so many reasons). Chaya will miss daddy, of course. We all will. But we're pumped for him too. Live your dreams and stuff. Maybe Chaya can go next time. Whaddya say, Uncle Zach??
Back on the home front, we'll faithfully weave away at tapestries, waiting for Odysseus to return with Athena at his shoulder. Haven't noticed a ton of suitors yet, but there are always plenty of UPS, FedEx, and "may we save your soul" dudes coming around.
I do intend to make use of PAAAAAM as long as she's here (her trip to New Jersey overlaps) in order to date myself and some of my long lost friends. Bonus round for seeing single or childless friends, because there's something appealing about stumbling back into a side of oneself that doesn't know the Baby Shark song frontwards and backwards or have opinions on potty training protocols beyond "EWWW no!"
This assumes they haven't entirely called off the search teams for me on my interminable disappearance (children do these things to pre-childed friendships, I have confirmed with many other very busy parent-friends whom I can't quite get it together to see beyond glancing greetings and snippets of interrupted conversation). I hope not. I can barely get it together to arrange play dates, let alone seduce new friends who aren't desperately banging down my door with a rabid preschooler who needs running out with a friend in tow.
More generally I'm recognizing the need to rejuvenate my (in person) friend reserves. Which is not to say I don't have amazing friends. I do. But time and location and busyness has limited our day to day and I miss them a lot. Not the clatter of more time and demands. The deeper (introvert-grade) closeness bit. I miss that emotional intimacy of having a confidant on tap or a partner in crime on standby. It's just harder with kids - especially double sets for each - to lay and maintain that groundwork.
At the deepest end of it, I'm lonely. I'm surrounded by cool people and loving family. I am scratching for a little sliver here and there of more personal time. But I'm also lonely (Welcome to adulthood). Since teenager years I've always had a bestie I could tell anything to and hear anything from. And that's somewhat lessened over the intervening parenting years.
There are so many people I really like in my life right now, but churning that fondness into somethingcloser and deeper feels Sisyphean at times. I do try. And some people seem disconcerted when I try to push them up a hill!! Different strokes.
We have some good "couple/family friends" accrued, but right now they're pretty far away and hard to schedule with, so it's more like a quarterly outing where we spend most of the time wrangling our kids and wondering why we didn't drop them at the YMCA daycare and shoot the shit together over smoothies or an elliptical (or an orgy - however things play out when the kids are away).
Is there a Tinder for besties? I guess I'll ask my single friends when we meet up. I'll just respond to some polyamorous people looking for a second and explain that the terms of my relationship, we engage in extramarital hanging out (fully clothed and without sexual content).
Other strategies:
1. Going to the playground, Children's Museum etc. with a giant sign that says "will child-care exchange for friendship."
2. Getting business cards - AW, Chaya Wrangler - and handing them out liberally to anyone I interact with.
3. Starting my own book club where we dissect the deep personal nuances of Emmet the cat on the back of Chaya's Ladybug magazine and/or a film club where we binge watch episodes of classic Blues Clues.
4. Finding that list of "Questions to Make You Fall in Love" from the New York Times and reading them random strangers I encounter at the store.
5. Walk over to our neighbors' houses with giant boxes of sugar just in case they needed some.
6. Indulging my own interests yadda yadda yadda - this actually doesn't always pan out (I can be a great student without making a single friend; it's possible), and if it does it sure takes a long time.
It's probably optimistic to say "it'll all get easier when we move!" It probably won't get significantly harder anyways. Andrew will have more time and energy. I'll probably have more time to go out roaming.. We'll maybe have more couples friends. We'll probably be closer to a city that gives a little leeway for specialized interests. Chaya will be older. It's possible.
Meantime, I'm staying in touch with the old (new is silver, internetz is gold) on the internetz, which remains a life saver. And re-acquainting myself with the wild thrills of digging into a good book, fiction or non. I am a bit of a binge-purge when it comes to book. And am currently in a voracious mode. It does bring me worlds of heavy and heated interpersonal everything, and pounds some non-three-year-old language back in my head.
But I may have some time to work on those cards. Letting Chaya dictate design methinks. Girl's got a style:
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