Well hello Year of the Dog - woof woof Eeeyiiiiieeeeeiiiiioioo.
No resolutions here, because chance aren't super good that I'll "write more" in the 2018 year of the 2.5-3 year old.
But 2018 promises to be eventful as all AF can F regardless of intention. You can't avoid it when it comes to parenting a toddler. They change. You change. We all change together. Life slips through our bistered and itchy fingers with a giggle of glee like the chia-sopped oatmeal flying from your toddler's spoon.
I think the 2015 resolution was best summed up by our L&D nurse's advice: "Don't divorce. Don't shake the baby."
2016 was "Move to Mt Vernon. Don't divorce. Shake the toddler gently and maybe don't pull too many more muscles while succumbing to her demands for swinging.
So 2018? Keep on truckin' and buckles those seatbelts and safety harnasses.
Stay in Mt Vernon. Stay married (I'm a fan, personally). Start preschool. Keep seeing doctors. Avoid slipping back (or forward) to an unhealthy weight even if you haven't reaped major rewards from correcting the issue just yet. Have faith. Laugh. Take more time for myself. Make space for everyone to grow. Yadda yadda yadda.
What do I foresee in the near and distant future?
As of this Wednesday, Miss Chaya becomes the youngest student at the Skagit Art Preschool (by like 6 months, so it's gonna be interesting). We visited the preschool frequently in December so that she could get used to being there. Never for the whole four hours though. And never without me. But she has been getting more comfortable with participating while I stand back, so this is progress.
It will likely be an adjustment, since she's really not been away from me that long while conscious. Even when I was in the hospital, she came to visit after waking up and then I was back shortly after her afternoon nap. But we're starting slowly... maybe (more on that later).
And if I do have the free time (more on that again...) it would be this immaculate window of space for appointments, addressing the neglected everything at home, or even meeting some new people. The Episcopal church (my people!) that houses the preschool has a coffee hour just a bit after preschool drop off.
But of course, things might take a turn because...
2. Work? This was not officially on my radar yet. I begrudgingly accepted that at some point. I would probably return to work. I assumed I'd be righty ready by now, but I'm enjoying the SAHM gig a lot. It's hard. So hard. But kind of a once in a lifetime opportunity passing me by.
That said, I was forwarded a listing for a job that may well have been modeled on my "all I want in a job" wish list. It's an 18 hour staff attorney gig with a volunteer lawyer organization. Some legal work, but largely case management. Pretty much the thing I most enjoy and which is hard to come by as a career unless you're in quite the arcane firm set up.
And thus I have reassembled my resume, filled out some forms, started the process to return to Active Status with the WSBA, and hammered out a cover letter.
It's a really odd feeling to even contemplate. I think my inactive status and time from work are pretty glaring demerits so I'm not feeling like the strongest possible candidate. And that's ok. Because it would be good and bad. I'm not quite ready yet. But I could be for the right job. If this is the right job, they'll find me interesting enough to follow up. If things work out, then it was a good fit. If not, it wasn't necessary.
IF by some chance I do become top candidate, life could change a lot.
A few random thoughts:
* I would basically make just enough extra from the job to afford preschool, cover the costs of updating my licensing, and we'd have a bit to spare. From which I think I would probably go ahead and hire a cleaning service again. The place is a mess and it's hard to clean with the ever present eczema flare-ups (which make cleaning more of a thing in the first place). I dislike having other people in my house, but if somebody could keep the mess at bay while we are already out of the house, that would be welcome.
* If I don't get the job, I can actually enjoy that Wednesday as previously mentioned. I could even try to work in some kind of physical activity that doesn't trigger a flare-up. If such a thing exists. Or just get a massage and take a nap. I won't really get any personal time if I get the job.
* If I do get the job, we're lucky to have Chaya at a preschool. I think she could simply transition to 5 days a week. Talk about a transition! But we'd work it.
* If I did get the job I would so have to figure out some logistics. Top one being new clothes, because I still don't have a ton of professional clothes. But equally important would be figuring out how to be comfortable and cool when I tend to flare up and flame-ear at temperatures above 66 degrees. I'll be sure to consult with the dermotologist on that one.
But regardless of whether I work or not, 2018 will continue the trajectory of all parenting...
3. Chaya becoming increasingly independent.
Chaya is fully weaned. She may be a bit of a mamma's girl, but that will likely change through this year.
She may take her first trip with just daddy in a month or two. We've already started having Andrew (nearly healed from his collarbone calamity) handle her post-breakfast toothbrushing and playing while I take some personal time. He's back to starting her bedtime with her. I think I'd be more comfortable for all involved if we worked up to a full trip with an overnight first, but man I don't wanna leave the house!
In a few months, Andrew and I will go to our first ballet at the PNB since before the beast was conceived. Another long spell without mommy for a toddler who probably needs the constant contact more and more.
4. More medical fun fun fun
Gain weight, they said. It'll fix everything. I did. It didn't. But I am resisting impatience. My skin is throwing a hissy fit to beat the band. And I'm pretty sure my hormones are more wild than white kids in Cancun over spring break. I swear, judging by last night's excitement, I will soon be sleeping in a bikini with battery heated moon boots. The temperature fluctuations are brutal, since they trigger the flare ups. I've had a heap of bloodwork done, which continues to imply I'm "normal." But I have a dermatological follow up soon and will be starting hormonal replacement therapy in a few weeks, hopefully. And maybe getting back into my PT
My big 2018 goals include "being able to do more than a mild walk without bursting into flames" and "sleeping at night without waking up in an oven." No, I'm not pregnant. But it's definitely a best-of hits chart around here.
5 - 10. Ok, there's just the great big unknown of having a nearly-three year old.
Life is spontaneous and mysterious and Chaya will be her own person.
In the meantime, we feted the New Year at Noon at the Children's Museum.
Chaya decided to celebrate in a different room from all the bellowing and counting, which I call a rip-roaring great idea.
And before we start looking too far ahead, I will simply look around and enjoy our last holiday together.
Happy 2018 everyone!!