Life with an eighteen month old.
For context, our entire household has been dallying with any variety of common viruses and the like for the last several millennia. Currently it's a cough that just won't go away. Before that, it was a stomach bug. Before that, some kind of cold.
In the meantime, Chaya has popped her first four molars, something a month or two in the making, but which seems to have really escalated in the last few days.
Also, she's a year and a half years old. So this is a warm up for the terrific twos.
And now, my approximation of a day in the life
12:30 a.m. -2 Wake up to miserable howling. Go into the nursery. Attempt all measures of soothing. Fail utterly to succeed
2:00 a.m. Send hubby downstairs and bring Chaya into bed.
2-4ish baby lays on your chest trying to get comfortable. Eventually crashes on your totally numb hand.
4-5:30 baby sleeps, occasionally rotating in a little toddler circle around the bed.
5:35 toddler stirs. Sits up and says "eye" several times. Then "dog" and "nummy"
5:40 breakfast with daddy. Lots of vacant staring but toddler is in a sterling mood.
6:00 - Use bathroom upstairs and change into clothes while toddler runs around yelling PEEEE PEEEE
ok, time goes fuzzy around now...
6:15ish Liberate toddler from sleep sack
Unzip toddler's sleeper while she reads a book. Toddler runs around a bit. Howls when you take diaper off. Finds her naked reflection hilarious. Runs around more.
Follow naked toddler around the house with a wet wipe and fresh diaper.
Toddler yells DOOR to be let into first bedroom. Then baaabaaa as she identifies one stuffed sheep. Then MORE BAAA as she looks for the other sheep.
Wipe toddler’s folds while she plays with one sheep
Follow toddler back into the stairway. While she is holding onto the rails, rush diaper up and around toddler trunk. Affix diaper slowly over several more minutes
7:00ish:
Toddler throws sheep down the stairs. Participate in long game of sheep fetch and toss. Toddler shrieks with glee for about fifteen minutes. Then runs in a circle, trips and begins howling.
Bring toddler back to the kitchen area and make eggs with one hand. Baby chants eeeeggg. Then naaaaaa (banana) and several rounds of mooooooore while you heat her oats
Set table. Dish out oatmeal. Chaya begins to whimper as she nears the table. She yells "ball" indicating she wants to sit on mommy's exercise ball. Bloody murder when mommy moves her to a chair instead.
Running to kitchen to offer Chaya dates. No. Raspberries. No. Banana. Chaya yells more and stands on hey chair on resistance.
Give Chaya a spatula. She allows you to put her in chair. She throws the dates one by one to floor. Then begins sobbing again as you lay the tray out. Offer wooden spoon.
Chaya attempts to eat oatmeal with wooden spoon. Throws on ground angrily but accepts a real spoon and starts eating. Only after demanding Kuaaah, an uncooked squash, with which she plays for several minutes... before throwing it on the ground.
Chaya says egg. Throws some on the floor.
After eating most of her oatmeal, Chaya says "more!"
Bring over a tiny cup of almond milk and cups of rice krispies and cornflakes. Science experiments persist through a few more tiny cups and spoons.
Once everything has been thrown on the floor and half an egg consumed, Chaya yells "out!" and then "stool."
8:00ish:
Time to play at the sink. Mommy rushes to clean and get some of the morning things accomplished while Chaya plays with two water bottles, all the cups and bowls, the sink strainer and a sponge.
Rush back to stool several times to stop baby from tumbling off
Toddler hands you a cup and demands "Nummy"
Nurse briefly as toddler thrashes and giggles and bites.
Ask toddler if she'd like to go to the store. She giggles and says STOH!
Tell her we need shoes and socks. Toddler finds sandals. Tempt her into socks. She runs several laps in her socks. Ask if she wants shoes or boots. She brings over shoes and then screams when you try to put them on her. Decide boots can go on in the car. Divert to finding coat. Chaya is now running around with the two sheep yelling baaabaaa. Sneak coat on. Ask about store. Chaya says store and car. Assume this implies assent.
Loop own coast over head, grab a bag of snacks, slip on shoes
9:00ish
Chaya yells "car" happily. Once in carseat Chaya yells "more, "unhappy with the ziplock bag you've offered her. Offer toys. Chaya throws them. Baby sobs so much that you turn around and come back in.
Chaya demands "giraffes". Sit her in her seat and put on YouTube video of high diving giraffes. Sneaky cut baby talons.
Continue looping the video while unloading dishwasher. Chaya demands various things from dishwasher. Drops them on floor. Leafs through a book. Freaks of the credits on the video roll.
Baby demands out. Nurse. Bite. Laugh. Repeat
Hold baby. Baby demands "more".
Offer raspberries. She demands "dog." Pull up puppy YouTube video and back in her seat.
She demands more. Give her a rye cracker and some cashews. She empties cashews onto floor and eats a raspberry. Demands pouch
Start making a refillable one, but demand is strong and strident. Give her a store bought Plum pouch. She has some then drops it down into her her seat and starts chewing on the bottom end.
Realize after you've taken her out of seat that she's upended the rest all over herself.
9:30ish
Upstairs to change. Several additional hijinks and rampant naked baby moments later, diaper is clean and new clothes donned. Chaya rampages through the rooms with dirty shirt on her head. She starts pulling books off shelf. Finds a pair of underwear from the hamper and entertains herself wearing it as a necklace while running laps around the bed.
Look at phone to see seven or eight new messages. Before seeing what they are, hear baby howling. Trip of some sort? The world will never know for sure, but she is irate!
10:15ish
Walk around kitchen holding howling toddler. Eventually sit down. She arches her back and cries a bit. Tried to walk behind and push you off. Then back to nursing.
10:20ish - baby is asleep.
Restlessly sleeping and blowing all chance of a nap later. Mommy goes all in and tries to hold really still on the hopes it'll last a while
Mommy's nose starts gushing snot.
Chaya cries. Goes back to nursing. Sleeping and nursing.
Mommy desperately tries not to sneeze nor cough. Both feel urgent.
Chaya snorts and wheezes but continues nursing and sleeping.
Curse the gorgeous sunny day streaming bright light into both faces.
Wish you could reach your drink. Or the pillow. Cautiously wipe noise.
11:19 Still nursing, Chaya stands up into a downward dog nursing position. In a few more minutes, her eyes pop open and the nap is done.
As Chaya gets up and grabs her sheep, chug coffee, cough finally and blow nose. Chaya demands BAH (bathroom, not sheep) and tugs mommy upstairs.
Chaya huts door to bathroom yelling Nummy Nummy. Tugs at her clothes and mine. Apparently we are taking a bath (redacted for privacy)
12:15ish
Repeat the diaper and clothing rodeo. Put on Chaya's third pair of pants for the day after much wrestling and giggling on the bed.
12:45ish:
Take a walk.
1:30ish:
Give up on any semblance of normalcy or desire for healthy parenting. Serve “lunch” at the counter relying on the all mighty YouTube. Terrifying cartoons superimposed over nature footage pop up. Chaya eats more raspberries. A little bit of sandwich. A couple of triscuits.
Chaya demands to nurse then gets distracted by the cartoon, then wants the stool. Then wants to see the babies. Then nurse.
Chaya nurses for a few minutes, bites, laughs and tries to grab mommy's coffee. After another crack at going the store, Chaya brings over boots, puts on a hoodie and grabs an empty gum container to play with on the journey
2:00ish
Pick up Chaya and start out. Trip on a cushion, fall to knees, then topple and roll, landing on a shoulder with baby's head just shy of the floor. Baby considers her response, and then decides she doesn't care beyond a slight whimper.
Make it to the store briefly but find nothing you wanted. Give baby a sample of snap pea crisps and call it good. Pray toddler will fall asleep on the drive home. She yawns but decides to sing instead.
Follow toddler around the house trying to get her coat and shoes off. Eventually get to the basement door which is closed. Chaya begins to howl. Bring her to her room
3:00ish
Deep breath. Time to try a nap. Read, song and sleep. But crying as soon as she hits the crib. Hold her again and let her nurse. She crashes. Sort of. Wonder if teething is involved given how uncomfortable this is. Hunch forward awkwardly and again try to mop up snot.
3:45ish:
Turn on the green ok-to-wake light awkwardly so that Chaya keeps that association. Chaya runs around, throws some books down the stairs, runs through the couch on the guest bedroom. Explores the basement.
4:30ish Gramma Pam blessedly comes to visit. Mommy rushes like mad to start dinner, clean up "lunch" and takes a couple of breaths. Chaya starts to feel her fatigue and demands to be held again.
5:45ish Dinner time. Daddy's on the the way home, but won't be here just yet. Chaya repeats a few science experiments, tosses her cup of rice against the wall with some MLB force, eats about 3 eggs, half a rice cracker, and a few peas. Then systematically discards the peas in a halo around her chair. Spends several more minutes pulling the straw in and out of her water cup.
6:15ish Chaya has thrown it all, started howling and yelling STOOL. Release her to the stool and hope Dadda will be home soon.
6:20ish Just as Chaya starts laughing like a hyena and tossing cups of water on the floor, Daddy's home! Mommy brings Chaya to Dadda, Chaya reaches for him, then - as per usual - pushes away from him indignantly. Then looks over her shoulder at him and starts laughing hysterically at her clever rouse.
6:30ish - 6:40ish Chaya is yelling NUMMY through her bedtime stories, She leaps from daddy's arms onto a nipple. Pops off exuberantly and yells DAH. Then crashes almost immediately upon moving.
...
And mommy forgets the rest, but I think it involves thanking god that tonight Chaya didn't bounce up and start crying after putting her down. And preparing for another long night that blessedly didn't come.
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