Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Be-Bopping Baby and the Explosive Ear of Corn

In the 23rd week of gestation-a-go-go, a trusty helmsman shuffles from the stage and away from the seven kingdoms. And then there were two... and a smidgen. A kicking mango, karate smidgen burbling up in fair lady (W)rights belly. A new hope? A blotchy wrinkled eggplant? May time mercifully tell its tales in pleasing gestes without the taint of tragedy. Offices reshuffle and treadmill salvation nips upon its heels. And paternal parties go artfully anatine in the Lake of Swans. 

In week 24, the fizz pop of fermented milk of marvelous crackles with the snap pop KICK of MMA-corn-baby! Hubba-hubba-hubbies vanish into the bowels of the basement earth, while their sweeties swelter on sofas. A sororal gift of teeny sartorial splendor suits the building pile of be-bopping wrap-tastic supplies and nurseries emerge from the mist of pregnancy fog. And a single word: VIABLE shifts fears from early losses to premature labors. And on the bump bumps, ripping tendons and collagen that dare stand in the path of a full waddle!



Be-Boppy and the Slipcovered Sarong

Because some day I won't be able to just tuck the little Fonza-prune in my pouch and feed her via the ever so tasty amniotic ambrosia... baby things!! Two more exciting arrivals to presage our little bundle of joy and meconium! From the same "I could barely help myself from buying the entire list and a separate baby house to store it all in" generous Double-Mum-O-Awesome-sox-and saucin'. 

So far so good goes the week. And on our tip-toes to the weekend, this is promising. I've spent quite a lot of time organizing, cleaning and streamlining various processes at the office. Desk drawers that haven't been pried ajar in decades have had their spelunk! Supply shelves are re-ordered. Files are overhauled into logical areas (my version of logical anyways).

And everything that can be moved from clunky software into google calendar/docs etc. has been moved. Not the client files or anything, but our office type docs. How novel to be able to have a single portable calendar that addresses both work and personal, and which can be edited from any location! How thoroughly inconceivable to have a case status worksheet that can be edited by two users at the same time! Mombossa even christened our new conference room by meeting with an actual client there yesterday (more to come today). 

It's been a sweetly gentle week in terms of workload. There's really just enough for two people who are also dealing with restructuring and administrative matters. With three and no additional business, it might even feel treacle and molasses slow. But it's a perfect pace for the new normal to establish itself. Ha, normal. Sure sure. 

The home life settles as well. Andrew and I swapped our date night for the rainy Tuesday in lieu of the original plan in which he would spend the evening mud-biking and then go out with me on our perfectly clement Wednesday. I suggested it and I'm proud to have done so. I had more energy on Tuesday anyways (still have a residual headache from the weekend that got set off by yesterday's beautiful blossoming verdance), and yesterday was an excellent time for chores, chopping (of veggies), making of food, trekking to the recycling and the mail, and then collapsing for the remainder of the evening on the sofa with my feet elevated. 

Small joys. Elevated feet is like a double chocolate ice-cream sundae with strawberries and whipped cream these days. I'm far from the toils of timerster three, but I'm started to get those back aches and swollen legs/feet right now as a preview. Better to ease into these things, I figure. 

And these things are accompanied with adorable and exciting baby things! So a total trade off of easing in-ness!

Happy Tippee Toed Thursdays to all y'all. May your frolick to the weekend be an easy and a merry one!




Corny Fonz The Viabilababy!

I trammeled past all odds and daunting barriers (to be described below) to make it here and share the very joy of WEEK 24 of this pregnancy dalliance! Viability, baby! Whatever that means. Ok, I know what it means. There was that first trimester paranoia about all the normal discomforts of pregnancy being harbingers of miscarriage. No more. Now we get to go full on Valetudinarian about common complaints being signs of premature labor!! WHOOOOO! Or so all my pregnancy sites are beginning to warn. If anyone needs me, I'll be camped out at the ER until August. 

But that's cool. Between the malicious doors out to close in my face and the cruelly unrelenting onus of gravity, I didn't have enough to worry about. And it's kind of awesome that should the Fonz be born today, there's now about a 50% chance of survival. 

And the sites agree pretty unilaterally: she's an ear of corn this week!

Which works, as her ears are developing rapidly. Not only can she hear, recognize sounds, and possibly react to them by punching my belly, but she also has now developed her inner ear sufficiently to distinguish up-down and right-left. Which is pretty impressive. I still can't distinguish left and right half the time. Our little creature is a genius!

Well at least her brain is developing rapidly. The neural functioning is now about on par with that of a newborn, capable of some form of "consciousness" (time to whip out the philosophy books and ponder such weighty words), memory, and REM sleep even. What do babies dream? Hard to imagine. Probably lots of naked dreams and dreams about showing up for delivery totally unprepared (see we're all freaked out about preterm labor here!).

But while she's awake, she's a thrasher now. And it's going to get more exciting apparently. This month is the most "active month" since she'll get too big to go whole hog after that.

My poor aching stomach muscles and ligaments. They're not already totally tweaked, ripped and twinged from all that growth... ok, they are. I swear, turning to look behind me while reversing the car is painful and feels like ripping. I hear that my collagen layer actually is doing just that! All for you little baby. My uterus is now the size of a soccer ball (hence your desire to kick it? Naw, I think you just get claustrophobic in there) and my skin is irrepressibly itchy. As promised!

In other exciting "well phew at least I can blame something" symptoms: (1) Braxton Hicks - no, not hiccups, but the uterine practice contractions that really are totally normal, but make sure they're not a sign of labor eek. Or something. They pick up around now. (2) Carpal tunnel - I guess I am advised to elevate my hands on a pillow while I sleep. I have been elevating them on a stuffed animal. Hope that's sufficient. (3) Dry eyes - yep! (4) Nasal congestion and cold symptoms - worse than before.  I barely can breathe through my nose at night on the best conditions and feel like a leaky faucet in the mornings; (5) red itchy palms? Well red and itchy. Not palms yet. But I'll take the advice to avoid things that exacerbate the redness like heat, tight clothing and... oh yeah dishwashing. All yours sweet husband! (6) Round ligament pain - stretching oh so close to snapping; (7) Oh yes, the pregnancy fog and clumsiness persists to new levels. My aphasia is epic and I sometimes will just stand in a room for minutes trying to remember why I went there. 

Speaking of... why on earth am I here at the office? Why dear lord why would I walk through an office door barricaded with several bags full of discovery documents that I know to be abstruse, incomplete, fallacious, and disorganized? Documents I know to be my responsibility. 

Why would I need heed the signs made so clear when the clasp holding up my cell-phone purse strap caught on the seatbelt, refusing to release until I finally struggled free and broke the entire clasp in the process? What contumely causes me to charge so boldly forward into the abyss? 

Absent-mindedness mostly. That and the desire for lemon water and a hand-full of dates I suppose. (Yes appetite is there and it likes dried fruits a lot). 

And the promise of the weekend. So very near. There is no turning back. Only charging forward with our ears a poppin (mostly in my lower abdomen).




Mind the Baby Gap Wild Wardrobery and the Myoclonic Massage

We may be a few months off from the big screaming show, but the stork arrived a little early with some gifties in a magical suitcase containing roughly two Baby Gaps and a small bedroom. Actually, my sister gave the sartorially laden suitcase to my mom to return to me back in March. I've been afraid to attempt opening it, being fully familiar with my sister's magical packing abilities (she could fit a stable of ponies into the trunk of a kia, I'm pretty sure. 

Yesterday, though, I had a brief moment of bravery and/or those occasional nesting twinges that lead more domestically minded women to remodel, select "baby themes" etc. etc. And thus I dared open Pandora's suitcase. 

Baby clothes are friggin' TEEENY!! I swear she gave me doll clothes. Adorable, misty-tear-inspiring doll clothes. Sleep sacks, onesies, little itty bitty baby shorts, fifty odd hats for all varieties of meteorology and activity, fleecies, sweaters, vests. Our little girl is going to be one snazzy 0-6 month old. After that, her chic might take a wee bit of a nosedive, since that's maybe when the torch gets passed back to us and things get a little less chic and a little more hipster norm-core type fashion (at least I'm assured that this is the stylish word for "rolled out of  bed and threw some plain clothes bought on sale at Rite Aid" these days)

Today has been nice. Andrew is holed up in his bike dungeon again doing unspeakable things of which I daren't speak or ponder. I started my morning off with a walk and a massage. Oh the massage was lovely. So nice that I started to drop off, causing one of those sleep-jerk-awakes that startled my poor massage therapist. I had to assure her that what she was doing was absolutely perfect and please would she not stop. She still did eventually, but I guess when you pay for an hour you can't expect eternity. 

For whatever reason I'm quite sleepy today. Have been yawning up a storm through all my sundry chores and am looking forward to a spell of time just chilling on the sofa before dinner. Perhaps the boyfrianceband will emerge from his lower chambers even! I've got the traps and the binoculars ready just in case!





Super Swine Crash Land on Monday And the Fizzy Fermented Preceding Weekend o'Whoopie

Man, I was tired this weekend! I don't know what got into or out of me. Ok, yes I do. Into me: thrashing little creature who seems hellbent on early parole for good(ish) behavior. Forget c-sections, I think this little Fonzie beast will be burrowing her way out of my belly. Possibly, now that she's heard she's viable, she'll be doing so fairly soon. And it's not uncomfortable yet, but she's getting bigger. I'm still in for it but sooner than before. Out of me? Well, that's a topic of private nature that need not be shared too publically, other than perhaps a lot of energy during the week. 

Also "into me" this weekend was my very own homemade kefir! I doubt that the oh so strenuous work involved in making it was to blame for my exhaustion (put some "grains" in milk, leave milk alone at room temperature for a day, strain grains, drink kefir), but it was an exciting process. I started getting pretty obsessed with kefir a few months ago. Fizzy fermented milk that has kind of a sourdough yogurty tang but then absolutely unique at the same time? Sign me up! But commercial kefir comes mostly flavored (i.e. "sweetened" which I hate) and in smaller containers for a pulchritudinous penny.


Turns out that making kefir probably isn't significantly cheaper day by day. Or at least if I persist in buying organic milk, then I probably pay about 0.75 cents a day for 1.5 to 2 cups of kefir versus 75 cents for decidedly 1 cup a day. Something like that. But it does create a lot less recycling to haul out to our common recycling islands at least. I could probably buy cheaper milk and say "hey, the flavor of the original milk matters less when it's all fermented and weird tasting anyways," but that seems sort of excessively penny-pinching. 

And maybe the homemade kefir isn't quite as addictively "yogurty" as the Trader Joe's kind, but it has a certain quality that makes it pretty compelling. I'm enjoying it. And any time I can "make" food that requires so little effort while still giving me that homemade halo... I'll go for it! I put nutmeg and cinnamon in during my "second fermentation" for the kefir I made this weekend. It was nummy. 

Andrew has made significant progress in the bike dungeon, after quite the struggle. Floor is as perfect as he needs it, and he's actually set up his desk and bike trainer down there. Hence why he may never be seen again. But I have all the food upstairs, and so far there's no bathroom down in the basement jungle, so I have sufficient incentive with which to lure him out from time to time. 





And since I was so zonked this weekend, I didn't need to do much luring for my satisfaction. I actually took quite the incredible nap yesterday. This got my energy up for some serious sofa surfing down stairs until I decided it was time to remove dinner from the slow cooker and force the fella to come upstairs (we insist he dine in style, so fortunate that his mom sent him his grandfather's old military jacket). 




And really maybe all of that sleepiness was in preparation for what awaits at the office: several bags of discovery dross. Not in binders. Not labeled with relevant exhibit tags. Probably (if past history serves as a marker) not relevant or complete. Guess who will get to find out?? Hopefully our client and our financial expert. But I'll get to spelunk as well. Wheeee! Definitely a Monday morning there. 

Wish me luck and I wish you a happy work week full of whimsical whistling from your lips to the sun that surrounds you!





Bring on the Ice-Ice-Baby (Fonzarelli)

Well I'm definitely dreading summer at this point. It was warm yesterday. Unseasonably to a small degree, getting up in to the 70's. That might be "clement" for most, but I've never been a big fan of heat (unless the heat is concentrated in battery-operated slippers, gloves, or cozy robes in cool climes). As I've babbled on about, I'm an HSP (highly sensitive pain-in-her-own-ass more like - the world as sensed by all but with the volume up to the max). Temperature, light, sound, emotions, gestures... they're all so overwhelmingly loud most of the time! Dimmer switches and proper fanning is always an issue. And heat, in particular, triggers the worst of headaches. This pregnancy thing has certainly enhanced that distaste to a right aversion. Pretty sure my version of "room temperature" is closer to 62 degrees at this point. And some days, I'd certainly let it get colder just for the rare luxury of getting to snuggle into my warm and cozies. So, yesterday... a preview of the joys to come. And they were less than joyous. 

Fortunately, I have air conditioning in my office now. Thank all the powers that be and any that may be-and-not-be-in-some-kind-of-transcendent-neo-platonic-fashion for that! Of course as soon as I leave my little cave for the middle office, the ambience hits oven and we're up to an 80 degree swelter. I, in turn, find my face a vermillion shade of fireball and begin to hear the tarumtumtum of a good throb. Home was better, but not fantastic. We don't currently have a fan in the ground floor area. We will once the air conditioning takes over in our bedroom, but until then, that is the priority room for fanning. 

Our new home is significantly less oven-like than the prior, thank goodness badness and moral ambiguity... BUT in my delicate "condition" this only ameliorates the difficulty. Our new place has great airflow, so any breeze will calm a warming interior. Some days, though, nary a breeze in sight. Yesterday was one of those.

Needless to say, yesterday was big fat headache and ice pack day. And it wasn't that warm out! Hence my concern. Oh summer pregnancy. Adorable to have a baby so close to my birthday, but awfully inconvenient to place me of all people smack in the dab of a likely warm June and July while sweaty, huge, and pumping 150% of my normal blood volume with swollen everything

If anyone needs me for the next four months, I'll be trying to fit my enlarged body into our standalone freezer! There's a bit of a legend (confirmed by the mombossa) that my labor was possibly induced when she threw herself into the lake to cool down on a warm August Day. Poor Fonzarelli might just be coming out early, because that sounds really refreshing. 

Anyways, the forecast today is for rain - blessed rain. I may do a little thank you dance to summon it on its way. 

At least the bike and chain got to enjoy the weather with an after work bike ride. Since he has a great tolerance for heat, it's not been easy for him tolerating his wife's ever boiling blood and arctic preferences. I really appreciate that he has been adjusting to life with blankets and warm sweaters and robes so that the heat can be low enough to forestall migraine eruption on my part. Maybe I just need a cooling suit and he can have a heated one. That should mix us nicely in the middle. 

Whatever the heat may be today, may you warm nicely into this week with gusto and zeal. And a little bit of cozy if you can find it!


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