Tuesday, October 9, 2012

LA-DE-DAASIK - a photojournalistic approach

So, I got tired of being smart and competent and stuff. Contacts can remove that thoughtful knowledgeable thing for brief spells, but once they come out, all of the sudden I'm Socrates the Sagacious mole rat all over again. Well, no more! Just call my Barbie-babe from now on!

I sliced off a few layers of cornea today and most likely about twenty or so IQ points. Honestly, I doubt I'll miss them much. Thinking is all you know... unpretty for one!

Since I'm still recovering, probably have diminished my vocabulary by at least 33%, and am feeling a little sensitive about the eyes, I'll leave you mostly with the photographic journey of my LASIK progress (no nasty eye close ups involved):

I believe this is called the BEFORE photo

It was a nice lobby with lots of mints and coffee and television. After some waiting there, they took me to wait in another room where they barraged me with lots of eye drops and weird protective wear and some kind of "thing to relax you" that didn't turn out to be so strong, but I still didn't sign any contracts or drive much.

Oh and a hairnet that made me look like a pizza pie maker:

During...

Then there were some flashing lights and weird things coming in and out of my eyes and I could and couldn't see in various ways and suddenly after about five minutes, I was walking back out to the waiting room looking around. Looked just like I had on old contacts or foggy glasses. Also, super light sensitive, so they gave me some wicked shades.

Dude - like totally after

Anyways, the eyes are feeling decent but they don't mind being closed and they sometimes go between sort of cloudy and crystal clear. But damn! I don't need glasses - except tonight when I sleep and tape some eye protector to my face. My brain is quite confused. That's probably the sloughed off brain power though.

After


Having completed the procedure and been packed off with hundreds of eye drops and a Pacific Cateract and Laser Institute hat, I have spent the day listening to and glancing at an old marathon of America's Next Top Model and wandering aimlessly up and down the stairs because my body is a bit restless, but my eyes aren't super thrilled to be (1) open for too long, (2) exposed to any wind or dirt or other irritants. I basically have spent the day looking incredibly stoned, with my eyes marginally ajar, mouth agape and moorless meanders.


And man my face looks naked. I'm gonna have to start paying attention to grooming those eyebrows and crap like that all of the sudden. And making eye contact! Yikes. What have I gotten myself into??


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