They call it a practice for a reason... probably not this one

Last week, I had the marrow-chilling experience of seeing my first hearing (I know! Get the scrap books out!) scheduled on our office calendar. It's silly, but I was nervous and jumpy for the rest of the day. It may not help that I ultimately want to build a practice bereft of hearings due to personal inclinations towards this collaborative divorce nonsense, but I also recognize it's something that I will realistically need to get used to doing as I build the other side of that practice. Unfortunately building that side of the practice will probably involve a lot of just that: practice practice practice. And sweaty palms and sad clients out too much money and feeling no sense of closure after the commissioner justly splits the proverbial baby (hopefully only the proverbial one... I don't support child mutilation as a proper interpretation of the best interests of the child!) are not necessarily my favorite practices.

Well humph! One of the proofs we won't be using for our Collaborative
Professionals Ad: I think I have the best lawyer/model pout ever!

Nobody overtly told me that I'd still basically have exams once I finished, but a hearing is kind of like that... at least now and at least for me. Except instead of some number, it's my client's life and my reputation kind of on the line. I'm not sure how that fares compared to the heavily vaunted ABC-ing of the law school curve (shudder). I should say there's a decent chance that we can all have a four-way (and the true lesson of law school is to addle your dirty brain so thoroughly, that you don't even snicker when you say things about scheduling three and four ways) and get things maybe resolved, and I feel far more comfortable in this potential future environment, as it's a variation on real world work that I've done in mediation and negotiations.But it reminds me that someday - and someday soon - I'll be called upon to come to court. Yes, Jack Nicholson, I can handle this truth, but with a few palpitations.

Despite being an actual attorney for three or four months, I still feel pretty ... unsure of myself, sometimes. Largely this is because all the research in the world is irrelevant to the 90% of non-weird cases that don't make it to some recorded level of appellate review. Meaning the "legal rules" that you find are less applicable to a highly discretionary but systematically evolved system of shortcuts to interpret wiggly words like best interests and fair and equitable.

As I've bemoaned, it's odd being demonstrably excellent on paper (Judges and other attorneys are still commenting on how impressed they were with my list of accomplishments read at my swearing in) and how flailing I can feel in practice. I went through three years of intellectual boot camp, two months of bar-prep agony, and three of the longest most surreal days of my life... and really our paralegal can do a vast swath of my job far better than I can. I have glinting moments of searingly intelligent competence, but I'm still easily flummoxed by those little unexpected details and curve balls. And sometimes I swear, in family law there are nothing but curve balls.  Reminds me of the Tolstoy quote about happy families all being alike and unhappy families... well coming to me and making me stutter before running to my Family Practice Manual (or mother if she's available) muttering the trademark phrase "I'm going to look into that and get back to you."

I don't think that who gets the stupid
wagon-wheel coffee table is covered by the RCWs... anyone?

I don't think that an occasional feeling of terror and negative "oh crap!" remorse after-the-deer-in-headlights-fact are intrinsically horrible. Sometimes we need that fight-or-flight focused shot of adrenaline to keep our head about the details. And regret may have a bad rap, but a negative emotional memory causes the strongest memories. In a learning experience, the memory of what-I-did-wrong so that I don't do it again indelibly sears certain facts and procedures in a mind otherwise awash in vague details. The downside for me is that I am bright and capable when I am confident, but I can be a walking self fulfilling prophecy when I'm not. So a tightrope of remembering the bad, talking myself up with the good, and remembering that these next two years are an opportunity to learn (while hopefully paying my way, but maybe not crusading through the annals of family law on my white-straw-man-horsie).

In pursuit of the ever elusive confidence/competence, I've decided to keep a short work journal, kind of like we had to when we were doing externships. Instead of focusing too much of bigger picture law school questions of justice blah-blah-blah, I'm just writing down a quick note about I learned in a given day, what went well, what I could work on... I can't jump straight to the acuity of an experienced lawyer any time soon, but I can make each moment count. I'm also going to keep a copy of the Family Practice Manual at home with me and do little Family Law devotional readings for a little while. As much to keep my confidence in what I know as to know more, since practical knowledge is still more important. 

In pursuit of the ever elusive practice building, I am thinking of a few different ideas to really get out there and try to attract the kinds of clients I really want to work with.My first idea is to offer a free consultation abbreviated exclusively about the collaborative divorce proceeding in addition to the regular discounted consult about just about anything. My other idea is to make a list of all the organizations who may host informational sessions and speakers and so on and just send out a form letter with a list of topics I could offer to speak on. Although I am low on experience in attorneying, my background in mediation and my research work done during law school give me something to offer to the public. And I actually am quite good at presenting information in engaging and understandable ways. I take suggestions, but I'm thinking of offering to talk about collaborative law and the process (duh), the legal aspects of love: marriage/cohabitation/having-children to know before taking the plunge, and tools for a mindful dissolution process to keep the sanity intact and transition into co-parenting and mental health. We'll see if I get any bites, but I do think those are subject I'd love to address and get out there with people.

or... maybe people aren't my thing

Or I could just sit at home watching Die Hard, browsing the internet and waiting for my Prince to come ... and tell me he needs to make sure his prenup with Snow White is ironclad... That's always an option too!

All this uncertainty aside, I should mention, I am definitely taking referrals, guys... so start them gushing my way. Maybe I'll throw in half hour consult with a half hour private tango lesson to really get y'all running into the door.