Pants... oh pants. This is my multi-annual post about (1) how much I hate pants designers (2) how incomprehensible American sizing schemes have become and (3) how none of my pants fit.(Ok, I have one pair of pants that kind of fit, but for - brace yourself - being drastically too long for me and having insane pockets. Oh and some hugely expensive suit pants that I'm saving until I'm actually a lawyer)

Basically see all previous posts and tada! Nice when you've done enough legwork to fit your life into a see, supra __ at ___ format.


But really, I am having the most difficult time shopping for *anything* these days. I think it's all the weird uncertainty brought on by law school. There are a number of components to that uncertainty. (1) There's the fact that law teaches one to be perpetually non-comittal to a degree beyond even my previous mastery (the word "clearly" is worse than the crudest cuss and all answers are "it depends" with a list of implausible contingencies that erode any potential for a straight answer). (2)There's the financial uncertainty of being a student. (3) And, my personal cross to bear, the utter uncertainty of whether the stress would cause a continuing decline in my measurements or rebound virulently at some point.

But mostly it means that my general incompetency in such retail interactions has turned into a full-on disorder. I occasionally have managed to make it to the store only to shuffle uncomfortably through a few racks of clothes, get cross-eyed and flee the building on some pretense (WAIT ALIENS MIGHT ATTACK! BETTER RUN FOR COVER!!). I don't exactly have money burning through my pockets to buy stuff, mind you, but I do have some really saggy-sorry pockets hanging off of some equally sad pants at this point.

I've made some limited headway with online buying, but only because I have extra "money" ashing up my paypal account from my one attempt at ebay entrepreneurship, and I feel an unplaced sense of urgency to get this out of there somehow so as to completely forget such a transaction ever occurred.After much consternation and clicking, I have managed to buy a sum total of one shirt and some vibram five fingers. This was one of my goals and I'm listing as such just so I can feel accomplished.

On this issue, my goals for the next month or so are as follows:

1. Buy a couple of pairs of pants that don't make me angry to see in the mirror, but which can be worn in a work setting.

2. Buy *something* with a houndstooth print. Houndstooth is my absolute favorite print, but I don't own a stitch of it. This is largely because it is so easy to do houndstooth incorrectly and verge into "painful and scary old lady in the 80's" garb, or go the other route and go fugly fourteen year old frippery" on the other. A smart houndstooth is a major accomplishment, perhaps why I like it so much.

3. Find my tangoleva harem pants! I cannot find them and this would be a major route to my morale, as they are basically the only pair of pants which I love unequivocally and which make dressing for dance events easy and free of the usual sturm und drag.

4. Restock my supply of drapey flowy shirts. I have three and they are hands-down the most flattering look for me. My Dad once told me that he saw me in long flowy clothing, large metal jewelry, and floppy hats. As I was just shy of my teen years, I was insulted to be pegged down into somebody else's version and rebelled by wearing fitted and short everything and delicate jewelry only. Of course, at the time and through my twenties, I was a bit chubby and I think draped wouldn't have been flattering on that, but now that I've blossomed into the tall and bony nearly-thirty-something, I have to admit he was right... about the flowy. The hats... still so totally not me.

5. More short sleeved work shirts. Preferrable this will cross with my other goal of more teals, blues, and greens, which I find increasingly complimentary to my skin tone. I have always preferred a steady diet of blacks (safest color in the world) and reds (power color, duh!), but mostly because it's also hard to find these colors done correctly and in a flattering professional cut.

6. Work shoes! I walk a lot when I'm at work, as well as to and from. With the treadmill desk, I usually walk about 8-12 miles while working alone. So those crampy little pointy witch shoes aren't going to happen. So far, I've been keeping an "office pair" of thoroughly destroyed heels at the office and mostly walking around in my sneakers. Which is all well and good, except my sneakers happen to be a glaring silver and pink and believe it or not, I mostly don't wear a lot of silver and pink work clothes... I might even go so far as to say I don't wear silver or pink work clothes. For your further believing or not believing discretion, I submit that I in fact wear dark blacks, grays, and navys when it comes to work pants and that the combination of conservative dark with FLASHING superhero silver and pink can make the sneaker issue somewhat ill-matched and conspicuously so.And here is where I've made some progress in buying the vibram five fingers. I cannot call them toe-shoes, because to me toe shoes will always mean those pink satin harbingers of ingrown toenails and pooled blood that are also known as point shoes. But naming aside, they do seem like they would be nice and breathable for long walking and that the treadmill has enough give and little enough sharp debris on it that some of my concerns about using them on the streets would be relieved. Also, they sell them in black (I'll have to paint the silver back on!) We'll see what happens when they arrive.

So there you have my goals for the current shopping period. I imagine that few of these will be accomplished in any timely manner, but it's nice to have a place to aim.