This is an abridged copy of the Last Will and Testament of Gary Everson, one of the developers of the game Pictionary. He died young after a bout with cancer. While lawyers usually do most of the drafting, he had a much more involved hand in his will and it is simultaneously hilarious and touching, so I wanted to share instead of writing my own blather. It is a little long even cut down, but it is really worth reading:



I. Disposition of Remains


I direct that my remains be cared for... with such ceremony as seems proper. Keep the funeral costs down and keep me in Seattle. I don't necessarily care if there are some religious overtones to some of the speakers, but I don't want a long drawn out Catholic mass that every one has to sit through. If my family wants a separate Catholic service at a different time and place, that's o.k.
...


VII Bequests


7.2 First, you feisty little sex kitten, you get a FUN FILLED trip to FABULOUS Las Vegas. Round trip flight (coach) from wherever you are liking and four (4) nights accommodations at Caesar's Palace. You will also receive one thousand dollars for gambling money. And Becky dear, live a little, NO NICKEL SLOTS! I'll try to send my spirit down to give you good luck. 


7.2.2 Second, when you get back from Vegas, you will receive a check for one thousand dollars. You're gonna really hate this part, Becky, but you must spend it ALL on NEW clothes for YOURSELF. Upon delivery of written receipts (which my personal representative shall destroy so the clothes cannot be returned), you will receive another five thousand dollars, to spend any way you like, EXCEPT GAMBLING! (Geez, even in death, I'm controlling). 


7.3 to ROBERT S. ANGEL and RENEE ANGEL, I leave what Rob has always wanted (besides me), The Lombarte! Yes Robbie dear, after all these years, the painting is finally yours. didn't think I was going to last so long, huh? ...
 Give a big sloppy kiss to Sam for me. She IS a cute kid. Renee did good! And Rob, I've still never forgiven you for being better at glass blowing than me. It really pissed me off!


7.4 To TERRY R. LANGSTON and LORI LANGSTON. Geez, you guys are tough to figure out what to leave. How about 2 BIG DOGS with nasty chewing habits and uncontrollable bowel movements. No, I can't be that cruel, even when I'm dead. Maybe a $1,000 shopping spree at K-mart. Maybe not. O.K. Guess I'll get serious now. You get  the George Owen impressionist painting. It's style... and while you're at it, take five thousand dollars to spend on something ENTIRELY FRIVOLOUS for your home in Montana (but not on dead animal heads or horns for the walls or anything like that). 
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7.6 And to THERESA LITOURNEA, you lucky wench, I give you the vacation of your dreams. But I want to make a game of it. I want you to pick what's behind door number 1,2, or 3. Whichever door you pick, you'll get a one-week vacation with air fare round trip and seven nights hotel stay and food plus five thousand dollars for spending money. Now, before reading further, you must make a choice. [pause] If you chose door number 1, your trip is to any island in the Caribbean....


7.8 I give to each of the following named persons five thousand dollars just because they were so nice to me:
     ...
    7.8.3 ROSE KETZENBARGER who works a the mini-lab at Swedish Hospital. I'm sure you have no idea who I am, but you were very kind and sympathetic to me one day at the hospital when I was so upset, and I've always appreciated that. 


...


  7.8.5 AMANDA, the former owner of The High Spot Restaurant in Seattle, Washington (34th Street). I don't know where she is or her last name, but she has red hair. She was always concerned for me when I was going through chemo. 


  7.8.6 JULIE YOUNGEWERS at the Polyclinic, Seattle. It was always nice to see your smile every time I went for my appointments. 
...


7.10 to TIM OLSON of Seattle, Washington. Gee, Time, I kept thinking of great things to give you but this is a family Will so I gotta keep it clean. So... any one piece of furniture or rug in my house, any or all of the books... Maybe you can finally get that house you've been dreaming about. Have fun. Be safe. Live long.
  Gee Tim, now I REALLY ain't got no stinkin' plans. 


7.11 to BONNI LONDON, aka the EMPRESS, of Seattle, Washington: I leave you a divine shopping spree in New York City (you must dress befitting your title, your highness)... Maybe you'll even find a man while you're there (Lord knows, I've met a few there.) And you might as well take my china too, I don't think I'll be giving any more formal parties. Make a toast to me at your next dinner gathering. And get drunk. 
...


7.15 To  JON D. SCHNEIDER, M.D. of Seattle, Washington: I think you'd like the Larry Grey oil... I hope you see the beauty and peace in this like I always did. It's my favorite painting...


And Jon, words just can't express the admiration and respect I have for you. Thanks for always being there. (And by the way, you have one of the warmest smiles I've ever seen. It was always a pleasure watching your eyes crinkle up.) Take care...


7.23 I wish to provide for the following members of my family: my mother...


Second, GAIL, I know you like the Grandfather clock, so you get that and the painting titled "Restoration Project" because I think it will look great in your new house. I'm sorry the frame is so ugly. However, there is a price to pay for these things I'd also like you to take Max. I can't bear the thought of him going to a kennel, or even to a friend of mine who can't give him the attention he needs. He's a good dog. This is a direct favor I'm asking - take Max. Thanks. Bob the dog is smart and fun. If at all possible, please take Bob. If this is not possible, please find him a good home... 


Seventh, if at any time more than one person wants the same piece of furniture, have them flip a coin or something. It is NOT first come, first serve. Keep it civil. After my friends have chosen the one piece of furniture/rug they would like, then my immediate family can take whatever and however much they like, etc. If there is a particular painting or piece of art work that my family likes that hasn't been bequeathed to someone else, they make that, too. 


VIII.
Claims Against This Will


If any claim is made against my estate, or any attack is made upon the validity of this Will, or any legal proceedings are taken questioning any decision of my personal representative, then to said claimant I leave the sum of One Dollar and no more. 


 IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have signed this page and have initialed the other pages hereof this 13th day of April, 1995


Gary Paul Everson.