My fella (seen finishing his race in the above photo) likes bikes, particularly racing them. I like him, so by transference I'm kind of fond of bikes and bike racing, etc. etc. Or at least, I've really come to appreciate the finer arts of watching a bunch of super-fit guys in spandex (really really tight spandex) pumping and sweating and grunting and... um wait, what was I talking about?? Ahem, yes, bike racing. This summer, I got to see him finish a fair number of mountain bike races - generally half-dead and covered in more dirt than there is in the entire state of Nevada (him, not me, as I got to linger in the car with a book while he battled it out with the hills). Now with the turn of the season, it is fall. And fall means Cyclo-Cross, or as I prefer to call it Danish Death-Dealing Cycle Doom and Devestation!! So there are a few things you need to know about Danish Death-Dealing Cycle Doom and Devestation ("cyclo-cross" for short or "CX" for even shorter, because I am afterall a law student and adore my acronyms and anytime you can work in the letter X and all its X-treme connotations, the better):
1. It was - as you might have guessed - invented by Danes. We've all been forced to sit through Hamlet at some point in our educational career, so I think we all know what that means. Not only do the Danish talk funny (employing funny little Danish regionalisms like "methinks the lady dost protest too much" to mean "BS!"), but they're kind of ... well you saw/read/slept through Hamlet! Imagine if instead of a fencing finale, there was a bike race in that final scene that neatly offs all the remaining characters: that race would be CX.
2. I lied about that first point. Wikipedia informs me it was probably invented by either the French or the Belgians. So, existentialist chain smokers or people with very tasty waffles (disclaimer: the above was a none-too funny stab at stereotypes across national boundaries. It is solely the opinion of one blogger and in no way reflective of AdellaCorps' policies and practices. Nor was it intended to incite others to take up chain smoking and eat waffles.. although wow waffles sounds delicious right about now... hmmm, actually AdellaCorps does endorse the eating of waffles). Still: Europeans invented this sport. Never trust Europeans. They're nuts. And I'm still pretending it's Danish, because it suits my alliterative spirit so well.
3. If you are into CX you probably prep for the season by putting metal spikes on your bike shoes. See, you think I'm joking. I'm totally not. Long metal spikes.
4. Part of setting up the course involves putting impediments and barriers *into* the cyclists' path. Not removing, mind you, but adding. The goal is to make things that increase the likelihood of flaming, bloody crashes involving exhausted racers with spiked shoes. Why they don't have hoops set ablaze on the course, I couldn't say, but I suspect it's only a matter of time. Oh Oh! Maybe a shark tank too!!! I should so be a CX organizer. Methinks the lady wouldst be awesometh at nary such a venture, peradventure! 
5. The course itself is basically an intricate labyrinth of yellow caution tape spanning a mile or two of "course" and involving heavily graded climbs ( I walked up that staircase to see the course and felt winded without having to cart a bike on my bike) in addition to impossible turns and barriers. The purpose of the course design is to force cyclists to get off their bikes and run up steep heels and/or leap over barriers shouldering their bike. So you know how ordinarily, you ride your bike... in CX, sometimes your bike rides you.
6. It's not what you'd call an easy sport to watch (although absolutely titillating and well worth the hazards). It is definitely exciting and spectacular, but it's also pretty muddy and within five or so minutes of arriving at the course, I found myself doing a silly little prat dance to avoid landing face-forward in the copious quantities of mud all around. Andrew was very focused, so fortunately I didn't actually fall, because I'm pretty sure he would have kept charging towards the registration tent, only realizing many hours later that I'd fallen and suffocated in the mud. I would not be entirely surprised if some CX courses had quicksand around the perimeter of the race to weed out the contestant pool before registration even began.
Anyways, knowing all this, it's pretty straight forward. Contestants ride, run and otherwise careen around the insane track for an equally insane half hour. Some of them crash. All of them get muddy and more tired than they ever imagined they could get. Around the half hour mark whicever lap that the leading cyclist becomes the final lap (if you've been lapped, you'll be doing one or two laps less than the leader and your place will be based on averages or... ha, like I really know). Andrew finished all the laps, which is - trust me - very cool. And he was less muddy than many mountain bike races may have led me to suspect. Everyone who finished, needless to say had a look of blissed out agony and exhaustion on their faces. I think the ultimate goal is to finish in the final lap, but on of a more basic level it's more like "not to die!"
Oh the other thing to know about CX: it's really popular. Hugely popular. To compete in. I'm amazed this isn't already on television, because it's popular AND very fun to watch and probably more interesting than your average football game. I suspect it's not on the air because it's European and of course we can't trust those slippery Europeans...
To see more pictures and a experience more knowing narrative, you can follow Andrew's entry about this race, as I suspect it might be a little bit more of an "insider" look (by which I mean "totally insane" of course, but i mean it in a loving sort of way).
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